Do you tell people you have aspergers syndrome?

I was diagnosed with Aspergers only four months ago.

After reading hour after hour of aspergers, symptoms, pages of your stories and comparing behaviour of other aspies with my own; I have made two decisions:

(1) To keep it quiet.
Three weeks ago I had picked my partner up from his friends house. He was having a few beers with an older lady name Heather he had met at a sports club, and her family. Heather was a strange person to me, but her and her family seemed welcoming and nice. Neither less, I don't care for social situations much; I tried, but found it exhausting, and I just end up spending the next day recharging my brain from a day of feeling awkward, trying so hard, and listening to nonsense alcohol talk.
Any way, I got to Heathers house, politely said hello, answered the dreaded question "how are you?" to which I stared blankly in reply, scouring my blank mind for something to say. I think I said "good."
It never occurs to me to ask the question back to them "I am good, and yourself?"
Ten minutes later of useless chit chat, Heather asks me, "why are you so rude? Do you not like me?"

All this time I though I had given my best to be seen approachable and communicate. This isn't the first time I have been approached about being rude. I don't think I am rude and never understood why people called me rude. It would confuse me and I would get so mad that I would snap at them or just be left feeling confused and disliked.
This time however, I decided it would be fair to explain to her that I have aspergers. Before I got to explain anything else she began to laugh. She said "You don't have aspergers, you're not smart enough."
It then occurred to me that (without trying to sound condescending) some people are small minded, uneducated, or arrogant. And that is why I have decided to keep it quiet.

(2) I will not bother with improvement.

I am not going to impress people any longer. I am who I am. I will mind my own business, and I will continue with the goals I have set out for myself.

My school days are over and even though I was bullied, I was fortunate enough to make awesome friends in the six different schools I attended (due to moving a lot with my mum). I have to admit though, I found it so much easier making friends when I was young, right through high school and then my part time jobs, than I do now.

Neurotypical behaviour just annoys me anyway. There are small things that people do that make me want to vomit sometimes. Like when they write the following statuses on Facebook: "nom nom nom, yeah boi, woop woop, and that is all."

I don't understand why people look forward to getting drunk on the weekend. I have a few drinks from time to time, and sometimes get really smashed. It helps level the plain field with social situations. But still, I don't see the point in worshipping alcohol like most people I know do.

I don't understand why people dance. I try it, feel down right silly.

I don't understand how a lot of people don't have hobbies. How can you not have an interest other than trying to get wasted on a Friday, Saturday night, shopping and Facebook.
I am web-designer by hobby, which keeps me busy. I also write fiction novels which I hope to have one published one day.
I realise I have special obsessions with subjects that neurotypical folk don't have, such as world war II, haematology and neuroplasticity, but how can you not have a hobby? Why not build up on a skill that is irrelevant to what ever you do at work?

Although being socially awkward can be painfully frustrating sometimes, especially when it means you're going to be eating alone for lunch, I just can't be bothered. I have far more interesting things to think about and learn about.

I am good with customer communication skills because I can repeat the same things to patients and I am better with asking medial questions ("hows the weather?") than I am with answering them. Also I am just a pathology collector, so I only spend five minutes with each patient. Having Aspergers does not affect my abilities to perform Phlebotomy duties, and I have no problem making my patients feel comfortable, even if they don't need it.

I think I rambled on a bit too much. I just needed to express my feelings.

Have you decided to keep it to yourself or tell others? Who did you tell?

Welcome to the forum.

This question has come up before, and is definitely something people need to determine for themselves.

Personally, I have told my coworkers but I haven't told most of my family. The biggest reason why I told my coworkers is, at least I get the impression, that one of my coworkers thinks I hate him because I don't talk to him (which isn't the case). Personally, for me, it's a case by case situation. I'd probably say: 3 coworkers, 2 friends, and a few others know. I have a few other friends that I haven't told, and very little of my family knows.

In general, if someone asks me, I'll probably tell them - but outside work, I don't really communicate that much with people...so that's my big criteria I suppose. If I have to work with someone a lot, I may be more apt to tell them so they don't get the wrong idea on some stuff. Very case-by-case situation, though.

In regard to not caring about impressing others. I agree you shouldn't necessarily impress others, but definitely keep working at social skills here and there. Like it or not, you have to work with people your whole life..and having people around will probably help you out in the long run, too. My social skills are "hit and miss" for the most part.

steffheijkoop wrote:"why are you so rude? Do you not like me?"
...
"You don't have aspergers, you're not smart enough."

And you're supposed to be the rude one?
People don't even look in the mirror, do they?

Have you decided to keep it to yourself or tell others? Who did you tell?

I only found out about it a month ago. I was trying to make sense out of the diagnosis the shrink had given me, which made less and less sense the more I read about it. It so happened that there was a user of this forum who was diagnosed with high-functioning autism but for some reason thought he might have the condition I was diagnosed with. I decided to read about Asperger's, and it instantly made a lot more sense than the other diagnosis, and also explained a lot of things that the other diagnosis didn't explain at all.

Asperger's seems to be virtually unknown even among MH professionals in my country, so in a lot of senses it's pretty useless for me to tell people about it. My family already knows about my former diagnosis, which partly explains why I generally prefer to be alone. But it pretty much puts it "in a dark light". So I bought a book about Asperger's in my language to give them (had to import it). Though I'm not sure yet how I'm going to explain to them why I think they should read it.

I generally don't mind people thinking I'm rude, although I do try to avoid being seen as arrogant. I might stop trying so much, though. I think I've learned enough to take other people's points of view into account. I still think mine is better — for me. If they think otherwise, I reserve myself the right to laugh in their faces.

To people I owe explanations to, I let them know I have neurological difficulties (I was diagnosed with AD[H?]D two and a half years ago, so it's really no news) to explain the unevenness in my productivity and my difficulty with imposed structure (although sometimes I use this explanation to mask the fact that I simply think the instructions I was given are plain stupid).

The few close friends that I had IRL (and still "kinda have" — I only see them once in a blue moon) have a history of psychiatric issues, and they are surrounded by other people with psychiatric issues themselves. So any new issues, diagnoses, treatments, etc., are pretty much run-of-the-mill. Almost all the online friends I have right now I met in this site, so obviously talking about it with them is not a problem.

Any new people that I meet who don't value my eccentricity simply don't deserve any personal efforts of mine. Impersonal efforts, maybe. It's a matter of usefulness and efficiency.

there are only a handful of people that know about my mental health. i don't intend to tell anyone else. i've found that either it's treated as a meaningless disclosure or used against me. it's getting it used against me that has informed my decision. i treat this as stricktly 'need to know'. and most people simply don't.

No, since about no one in my country knows about it and would most likely treat me like some kind of crazy person if they did. If it was up to me i'd go around telling anyone, i don't understand why people make such a big deal about it, it's just an explanation for some of my behaviours.

AprilR wrote:i don't understand why people make such a big deal about it, it's just an explanation for some of my behaviours.

People tend to make a big deal out of things they don't fully understand. It's the little bits of knowledge about something that snowballs, due to the fact people fill in the gaps of knowledge with what they closely relate to it. So..if someone isn't familiar with mental health in general, they may fill in ideas they got from movies and little knowledge from others.

Not necessarily an uncommon trait. So many do it...all of us do actually. It's unfortunate because this can be a very big problem with stress...but that's a whole other topic all together.

TDT wrote:

AprilR wrote:i don't understand why people make such a big deal about it, it's just an explanation for some of my behaviours.

People tend to make a big deal out of things they don't fully understand. It's the little bits of knowledge about something that snowballs, due to the fact people fill in the gaps of knowledge with what they closely relate to it. So..if someone isn't familiar with mental health in general, they may fill in ideas they got from movies and little knowledge from others.

Not necessarily an uncommon trait. So many do it...all of us do actually. It's unfortunate because this can be a very big problem with stress...but that's a whole other topic all together.

I understand, but to make such assumptions about a real person with a real condition seems kind of..ignorant and really rude. Or maybe i'm too sensitive

It's not sensitive, you're absolutely right in feeling that way.

I hate it when my own mind does this too...but I know it does. My belief is everyone does this to some varying degree. The sad fact is that it remains. I wouldn't necessarily hide things as a result, just be ready to explain it to those when needed.

-David

No, I don't tell anyone I have aspergers. I guess you could say I'm still in the closet.

steffheijkoop wrote:
Have you decided to keep it to yourself or tell others? Who did you tell?

I tell people but I am middle aged...

My view is that there isn't enough education in the social mainstream...
Better than it used to be, though...

AprilR wrote:No, since about no one in my country knows about it and would most likely treat me like some kind of crazy person if they did. If it was up to me i'd go around telling anyone, i don't understand why people make such a big deal about it, it's just an explanation for some of my behaviours.

Ironically one of the reasons I tell people I have AS is to put people at ease...<shrug>