Do you tell people you have aspergers syndrome?

I don't tell people I have it. Only my family knows and my husband and his family. I am sure my boss knows too since I work for a company that is for people with disabilities. All of us employees there have some sort of disability.

The last person I told "I think I have Aspergers" told me I didn't. And then he became distant.

Won't be doing that again.

blonde1 wrote:told me I didn't.

This, unfortunately, isn't terribly uncommon. I've had a few say the same thing to me before I got tested. I do a pretty good job of making up for the challenges I'm faced with.

Do neurotypicals just think they can look at you and figure out everything? I guess a lot of the people who know about Asperger's don't seem to know enough about it, and don't realize that many of us are pretty good at pretending to be normal.

It's just sad sometimes how ignorant people don't realize they are.

I tell some people...I'm more hesitant to tell people I know in person than my internet friends. Probably for the same reason I'm more hesitant to talk about anything. I hope someday I don't get burned and retreat even more from society. I wonder if I act like myself (so they can see I've obviously got something going on) then they'd be more likely to believe me. Haha.

I tell people I have it sometimes, but not all the time, I am capable of completely masking my aspergers in public but it takes so much thought, it's draining to the point of giving me headaches so I normally take my normal behavior and my "normal" behavior and act somewhere in between. The only people that tend to notice my aspergers is women 40+, they seem really weirded out by me.... Intuition maybe? It's kind of an up to you thing as far as telling people, I tend to avoid it with new people because they assume I'm mentally handicapped which is not the case.

If I have any reason to, sure. I don't just start conversations with new people by saying 'I have aspergers', though. But if I do something people think is weird I'll explain I'm autistic. *shrug*

I'm feeling really conflicted about this right now, because lately i've started to think that when i'm acting like a normal person i'm deceiving people and being dishonest and unfair to them. Like, when they understand i wasn't normal all along they'll feel disillusioned and wronged? So it puts a lot of pressure on me because i don't know how to act around people even though i've already known them for years and i was deceiving them all along and should repent by showing them what kind of person i actually am? I know it doesn't make much sense but i just feel so guilty sometimes..

AprilR wrote:I'm feeling really conflicted about this right now, because lately i've started to think that when i'm acting like a normal person i'm deceiving people and being dishonest and unfair to them. Like, when they understand i wasn't normal all along they'll feel disillusioned and wronged? So it puts a lot of pressure on me because i don't know how to act around people even though i've already known them for years and i was deceiving them all along and should repent by showing them what kind of person i actually am? I know it doesn't make much sense but i just feel so guilty sometimes..

i like adages (i always have for some reason) and there's one that fits this really nicely: to thin own self be true! in other words just be yourself and stop worrying about what other people might or might not think of you.

i actually had a somewhat 'bad' experience recently. i was on my way back from a day trip and it was late at night and i was waiting at a buss stop. a youngish woman (early 20s i'd guess) that was also there struck up a conversation about a mutual interest. and we chatted about this for quite some time until the bus came. i offered to give her some information i had on this mutual interest and she told me where she worked so i could drop it off for her. so, we exchanged contact details and that all happened. then i found some more information that i thought she might find interesting and offered to do the same. out of a clear blue sky she got really up tight and told me not to go near her work or contact her again. now, i honestly don't know what i did wrong. and ordinarily i'd have really beaten myself up over this, making accusations against myself and getting thoroughly depressed. but having reflected on this, i really do feel she simply lacked maturity. it also crosses my mind that she might have been a little under the influence of some alcohol from the office party she'd attended before we met and when she'd sobered up she'd regretted being quite so friendly.

so, getting back to the issue at hand. you need to look beyond your own behaviour and consider the behaviour of others. are they being reasonable in rejecting you, if they do? and would you want such people in your life anyway? i now know i wouldn't. but before i'd always blame myself. i simply don't do that anymore.

shock_the_monkey wrote: you need to look beyond your own behaviour and consider the behaviour of others. are they being reasonable in rejecting you, if they do? and would you want such people in your life anyway? i now know i wouldn't. but before i'd always blame myself. i simply don't do that anymore.

See, it's not that easy to judge this because in my country these issues are so unknown most people aren't even aware that it exists And even if i give someone a detailed explanation i don't think it would change their perceptions just like that. So basically i don't think it'd be fair to call someone mean/ etc. if they don't know how to respond to something like this right away.

And wow, that woman was really rude..Even if she didn't want to talk to you she could just.. not respond instead of treating you like some kind of stalker.

AprilR wrote:I'm feeling really conflicted about this right now, because lately i've started to think that when i'm acting like a normal person i'm deceiving people and being dishonest and unfair to them. Like, when they understand i wasn't normal all along they'll feel disillusioned and wronged? So it puts a lot of pressure on me because i don't know how to act around people even though i've already known them for years and i was deceiving them all along and should repent by showing them what kind of person i actually am? I know it doesn't make much sense but i just feel so guilty sometimes..

NTs aren't "normal"...
They are "Typical"...

Most people don't want to know the nuts and bolts of you unless they are indicating they want a friendship...
It has been my experience that people are often simply too busy with their own lives to get involved in learning about something foreign.

Also, pretty much everyone has a fake social face
We just aren't that comfortable with even "white lies".

Feeling guilty is silly...
Snap out of it...
We are put in a difficult/toxic social situation through no fault of our own.
Much, if not most, of the problem is the result of community ignorance.
Much of the problem is with people having difficulties adapting to something new.
Accept this dysfunctional life system for what it is...<shrug>