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weird relationship with mom

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weird relationship with mom

Postby marthabrawne » Fri Jun 29, 2018 12:29 am

My mom and I are very close, possibly enmeshed. She even lived with me in my dorm room (a single) all of last year (I'm 21, female by the way). We shared a twin bed and and she even ate from the dining halls and used the showers. She was only planning to stay a couple of nights but she never left. I tried my best to keep her hidden (sneaking her up food from the dining halls, making sure no one was in the bathroom, etc.). It was real life arrested development!

The reasons are complicated. For one, she is basically homeless and doesn't have a job at the moment. We were living with her friend for a while, but she finally kicked us out after 2 years of living there rent free. On the other hand, my mom believes she is living in my dorm because she is helping me with my depression and ADHD. She sees this as a great act of self-sacrifice on her part.

There are legit no boundaries with us. For instance, when I was first going through puberty (about 13 years old), she asked me to undress for her so she could see how I was developing "down there" (not in a sexual way). I got embarrassed and said "no" and she freaked out. She forced me to lay down on the bed and screamed at me and continued to undress me. She then straight-up washed me in the shower while I cried. She kept screaming at me for "lying" and "hiding" things about my physical development from her (this wasn't sexual, she was just super angry).

We are enmeshed in other ways too. I'm not complaining because I have been very complicit in all of this. We shared a bed throughout much of high school (due to messiness/horading). We share all our clothes, money, passwords. We even share a phone right now (for financial reasons). She even used to do my homework for me (I'm so ashamed of this, more than anything else I think). She regularly checks my email and bank accounts. She tells me all about her marriage woes and about how my dad won't have sex with her anymore. She forced me to be present at every fight she had with my father. She said it was because she needed a witness (even though she was the physically violent one). The fights were horrendous and would definitely count as abuse if the genders were reversed. Afterwards, she would wail like an infant and order me to insult my dad in all sorts of ways. She used to have me call people like my grandparents and aunts and uncles and (informally) testify against him. She has said that I'm the only person in her life that cares about her, which sadly may be true.

Sorry I know it sounds like I'm just complaining. But I needed to get it off my chest. 'm an adult now and I have CHOSEN to live like this. I don't mean to complain. Just share. I actually think a lot of this is hilarious.

BTW, she is very supportive and loving toward me much of the time. Sometimes like I have no right to confront her because last year I was very depressed and I almost had a psychotic episode (was diagnosed bipolar actually).
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Re: weird relationship with mom

Postby Snaga » Fri Jun 29, 2018 3:26 am

Duplicate topic, please direct comments to post2160153.html#p2160153 , thanks!

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