Kat's Venting Thread

[katana]

For putting weird feelings I have that come up in. Decided to try to write down thoughts/feelings about things to try to make some sense over time. May try to understand/challenge my own comments. Content is not guaranteed to make sense.

Today:

• If I see a psychiatrist they might diagnose me.
  
  
• I shouldn't have told the therapist those things, they're not true.
  ...They are only true when i post them on the forum or discuss/consider them in other circumstances. Again the truth is relative to me, relative to what i need it to be at the time.
  
  
• Who says I am not just normal, I am experiencing things perfectly normally, I'm just assuming other people attach extra feelings to things that are figments of my imagination. I'm becoming caught up in thinking i see things differently.
  You have sat down in a group and listened ad discussed with other people and not related. You tend to see the actions of others as coming from motivations outside your own emotional experiences.
  
  
• I'm not mentally ill any more. I've been well (not depressed) for a whole week now. Despite actively deciding to off myself last week, I'm over that problem now and it isn't going to happen again.
  
  
• I'm overcoming my problems on my own, I don't need their backwards help.
  How much of my behaviour have i actively changed so far? believing i will might be wrong, maybe I should give it a chance?
  
  
• If I'm disordered, I'm so good at hiding it that at this moment I don't even know it. Once I'm rid of any social dysfunctions, i.e. AvPD/SPD traits, I won't have a problem and will be able to function normally, then none of my other problems will be an issue.
  
  
• I don't think being under the MHT would help me because they would never know what was really going on with me - I would always have them exactly where I wanted them and would be feeding them #######4 because I'm that good. I can easily decieve people who only have a certain amount of time/energy to put into patients.
  
  
• There is no point in me getting help because I'm drawn to trying to get it so i can mess people around not so i can actually get it.
  
  
• I don't really have any defense mechanisms that impair empathy any more because i can sometimes think nice or neutral thoughts about people or decide to act nicely or work out what is actually beneficial to them instead of only ever choosing to make desicions to my own ends. I just want to hang onto those defenses out of an overinflated sense of self and a need to be invulnerable because if I want to I can act like any one else can.
  
  
• Just because I didn't get help when I needed it doesn't mean I need it now.
  
  
• I don't feel angry or out of control at this moment and I don't need help with that any more. That was the other day.
  There are still signs of repressed anger/irritability that I'm "sitting on" atm. it doesn't just go away.
  
  
• I don't really have a disorder. If I had a disorder i wouldn't think I had one and would not contemplate treatment if not depressed or not functioning.
  
  
• I am also not depressed any more and unlikely to become depressed again. I should be functional very soon because I'm making good progress, so it makes no sense to risk being labelled.