I hate my mother she did me so wrong she won't admit it

[miserableworld]

I'm so angry right now, we had a row again.
I hate her so much I said to her face I'd rather dad be living than you.
My father passed away when I was barely two years old.
Since then she has been working and whenever she does she is not around.
I blame her for the bad things.
I hate being the youngest of 5 children.
that is not my ######6 fault.
They created a mistake, I am the mistake deal the ###$ with it.

I did not asked to be born, it is their ######6 choice they did when they have no means.
.
I've been through this and I stop being bitter.
But now I'm in college without her help why the ###$ she care.

She messed up my life,
She chose to bring me here, I didn't want it, I am stripped off all my freedom, nothing.
I feel everyday the punishment of living here, I have no friends I became social recluse

YES ###$ YOU, thank you very much there is something wrong with me

she told me again I'm mental and I'm crazy that is the whole ######6 truth do I have to hear from my own mother that I'm losing it???
SHE PUT ME DOWN EVERYTIME

I am what I am, I am shy but I'm trying not to be.
I've been through a rough life, give me a ######6 room to grow, she won't.
everything I do must be what she wanted, I cannot have my way how can I grow.
LEAVE ME ALONE she won't leave me alone.
I love my mother but I hate her because she is never there, she never give me the reason to think that she loves me, to me I am just a kid she need to take care of because I'm her child.

I'm old and sick and tired of this arrangements.
i HAVE NO JOB at the moment but it is the reason why I'm finishing my degree to be better of myself.
She don't understand that I'm tired of this #######4.
finally got a call and trained but because of my high anxiety, I doubt I did make it.
she argue with me telling me not once but everyday for the past week to call the job, I said they will call me when they need, that is what they said.
I don't need to call them, why would I? then she go off and said, Ok don't blame me that I didn't warn you to call them when you don't have a job anymore.
I said we argue about this stop telling me she goes on and said "why are you being crazy again" everything irks you.
She irks so easily why can't I?
when I ask a simple question she go off on me and raise hell on me, and I can't!

I'm so tired of her.

I know there is something wrong with me I told her I might need a therapist because of my depression, I have tried and told her I want to commit suicide last year, she didn't care.
and now she should have know there is something wrong with me mentally, she still abuse and insist on me that I'm crazy.
Thanks a lot.

why the hell people who are $#%^ have kids.