more reasons to feel shame

[tiredofmyself]

i was abused, n to get over the abuse, i sort of tried to have gay sex with a guy where i tried to be the dominant n i'd tease.

turns out he was experienced n said foul words to me, he pointed to my throat n said till there his dick would reach.

i feel so shame. i ran from there. those words echo in my throats. when he pointed at my throat, i felt so helpless n vulnerable.

i dont blame him since it was my fault that i tried to boss him at first n i volunteered to have sex with him. also i was an adult.

but i just hate the guy who abused me as a child. i feel so much shame.