maybe I should cry for help, maybe I should kill myself

[mbw]

I'm beginning to feel really bad again. I can't think properly. I can't concentrate as I used to. I find it really hard to recall something which was just said, or something I'd just seen. I feel overloaded. I'm being pressured to get a job. I'll be moving home soon. My university started not long ago. I can't seem to hold conversations. Losing motivation. Thinking "is this all worth it?" and "could I be doing something else" and "is anything really worthwhile" and "christ I'm lonely". The loneliness hurts me most. I just don't have anyone now to talk to about how I'm genuinely feeling. I just want to socialize, hang out with people, connect with people but think I'm socially inept. I've been around a lot of people, and I can sometimes talk to people one on one, but in a big group of people my mind just fails me. This is not good. This is the first time I've considered suicide as something I really might do. I'm just so tired. I don't know what I'm going to do. I need to cry to get some release, but the tears don't want to come out, so they're just inside me tearing me. If me being miserable continues much longer I'm definitely going to just end it because my troubles are so numerous and my ability to solve them is so pathetic as of late. It's either suicide, perseverance, or I bury my head so deep in avoidance that I can barely or never get out.