I've never felt so angry

[Rinkaku]

I don't even know what to say, I just can't believe things are like this now.

I've tried to get better since always, I even asked for help many times when I thought I couldn't do it on my own, which people say it's ok but it's not, asking for help only caused more problems and it's humiliating.

I just can't believe that I tried all my life to fix this and now all the solutions are gone, I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to do by myself and I don't know how to ask for help, which was always worse anyway.

And everything is still getting worse, and even if I vent about it no one ever get what I'm saying.

Well, maybe other people with depression can get how hard it is to get up of bed and having to live like nothing is happening because your suicide attempts keep failing. But the bunch of ironies are getting irrational, I've crossed my limits a long time ago.

There, again, a telephone call, and this was the last thing I needed today.

[Rinkaku]

Now there's two, sorry.

Ok, maybe is because I got numb, but sucking it all up, I need to stop panicking or whatever this is if panicking is too exaggerating, I already told myself to pay attention when the situation comes, so I don't know if that is real or not, I don't believe because there's no logic on it, but it is what it's happening.
I'm very very confused, I would like to stop thinking that this is only in my head, like this the situation stays the same, but I don't know what to do, no matter what I did untill today, everything only got worse, like this is the natural course to it, and this is when I start panicking again.

I didn't want to start all over again if nothing got better even a little all this time, I feel drained.

[KRISSY976]

Depression is a very real thing. I too suffer from depression and anxiety. It's hard to snap out of something that you can't understand yourself. What do you feel is bothering you, exactly? Can you talk about it?

[Ada]

Sorry, Krissy. This is a venting forum. No replies please.

Rinkaku, if you want to turn this into a conversation, you'd be very welcome to repost in another forum. Otherwise, Keep Venting!