scaring myself

a little background...my husband and I are separated...he had an affair..it tore us apart..we are trying to work things out I hope. We are still intimate on a regular basis. Anyway..I have always enjoyed "rough sex"...but up until recently it had just been the run of the mill fast "######6" and a little hair pulling...he smacked my ass a few times. Other than that...completely normal sex life. In the last couple of months when we have sex I find myself wanting him to hurt me. He has always been a biter and I like it...but he leaves bruises now...he has drawn blood once or twice also..and I like it. He has also started putting his hand around my throat..and even though I can't breathe too well..I like it. I find myself needing the pain. Is this "normal"???? I almost scare myself letting him do this..I kind of feel ashamed at times..like this can't be normal to want this. I have even thought of having him choke me til I pass out. Should I see a therapist? I honestly don't want to. I have seen them before for other reasons. I don't feel like it helps me much. I was completely open to therapy and greatly disappointed in the entire process. I just don't want to keep scaring myself with this although I seem to enjoy it..and so does he.

Hi cherryblossom15,

Many people enjoy sadomasochistic sexual experiences. It is okay if you get excitement and pleasure from your husband hurting you in some way.

If this is an area you want to explore further, I think you should read more about BDSM and safe sex practices. If you're going to play rough or draw blood, you want to know how to avoid serious injury and infections. You should also make sure that at any time either of you can call for the activity to stop in case it gets too intense or painful. (Some people decide upon a 'safe word' for this purpose.)

I don't think you have anything to be ashamed about. If all your activities are consensual and you are not allowing yourself to be hurt because you don't think you deserve to be loved, then I think you should enjoy it! Explore your kinky side, especially if your husband is also interested. If you're keen, maybe join the FetLife community to join discussions and share tips with like-minded people.

thank you for the response...I was really starting to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I know there are many people who enjoy this type of thing. I just started to wonder why all of a sudden I can't seem to get enough of him (sexually)...and then this particular aspect came up. It happened quite by accident actually...with the biting..instead of it hurting (although it did) and me wanting him to stop...it made me extremely aroused once I just let go with it..the only thing that really bugs me is the looks I get due to the bruises (he places them anywhere..arm, neck, leg..). And..the fact that I have been wanting him to choke me til I pass out. I will have to approach that slowly with him I think. He always used to say he had a "fantasy" about raping me. We had explored that a few years back...but he always kind of broke the fantasy off in the middle...like it scared him or something...so I didn't tell him it turned me on. He does enjoy holding me down.

Again..thank you. I do feel better now.