My RE - Mostly physical or mental? + Drugs

Just a quick question for people. In a previous brief relationship I had some interesting (and confusing) experiences with regards to finishing. First time to finish in this relationship took ages, around 35 minutes. But then after a 10-15 minute break I'd be able to finish after around 5-10 minutes. There would then be a 4 week break between encounters and then the pattern would be repeated. We'd have sex twice and it would take around 30-40 minutes the first time but around 5-10 during the second time. This was the case on 3 occasions. I started out with 5 days abstinence for the first two times and reduced this to around 3 days for the final encounter. By the end, I thought I had this issue sorted.

However, I've just entered a new relationship (6 month gap from the previous one) and we had sex for the first time a few days back. I had only 1 days worth of abstinence and I got nowhere near after 1 hour non-stop and we tried pretty much every position. Including the best ones for people like me. I also think I came out at certain points and was thrusting into thin air but I had no idea. Does all this suggest a mostly physical or mental issue? I know both are involved but I'm not sure which one is the key? On the one hand, the first relationship does suggest it is a mostly physical thing as it seems like I'm training myself to get used to the new sensations. On the other, I don't feel that aroused most of the time. This was true of the first relationship and even more true at start of this one. And attraction is no issue whatsoever. I find my current partner very attractive.

I also tried Viagra for this last encounter and I'm not sure it was very helpful. On the Wiki page for Delayed Ejaculation, it says:

There is yet no reliable medication for delayed ejaculation. PDE5 inhibitors such as Viagra have little effect.[4] In fact, Viagra has a delaying effect on ejaculation, possibly through additional effect in the brain or decrease of sensitivity in the head of the penis

And it cites this article: http://men.webmd.com/news/20020529/viag ... jaculation

So I'm wondering if I should bother with Viagra? The first relationship suggests I perhaps don't need it. I'm going to try Wellbrutrin and see what effect this has, combined with abstinence.

Any comments on all this would be appreciated.

Viagra is for erectile dysfunction. It has zero efficacy for RE. If you don't need it, you shouldn't take it. There are side-effects.

You should stop masturbating as your #1 thing. You don't have a really bad problem. My guess is that you have some performance anxiety going on and you are trying too hard.

Thanks for that. Yes, I've since dropped Viagra as I didn't feel it was making much difference. I've made some good progress through abstaining for at least 2 days at a time before sex but I will now go the whole hog and drop it altogether. It is clearly the main issue as despite the progress, for example, I still feel very little during oral sex. And I never finished through it. Presumably because the sensation is so different and someone else is largely controlling the speed and pressure used?

Right.

It might also help to communicate how you like to be touched. And then try to let go of control and really be with the other person.