My case of Re, searching for new input

I am in a relationship with a loving partner for 4 years now.After visiting doctors of all sorts, searching the internet and thinking a lot about it I completly threw porn out of the window.I cut back on masturbation too but i couldnt eliminate it completely.Once a week or once in two weeks i needed to "release sexual tension" because any longer and i would really get horny and after that get in a bad mood.I mean i dont feel anything from Sex, at least no kind of "release", not even after 6 weeks abstinence from masturbation (the longest time i ever lasted, ask any man he will tell you how hard that is if sex is not working for you).

So did this masturbation thing ca once a week with my left arm wrapped around her while doing it so as to generate at least a kind of togetherness.And i must say she sometimes even urged me to do it more often (after she has had enough) so that "you too can have someting out of it".

Simultaneously I went to theraphy.Sexual therapy for 6 months then psychoanalysis for 2 years.

Here comes the hard part:All this hasnt changed a thing.Is it hard to understand that we both gave up on this thing?
Needless to say we tried every position in the book, every technique, doing it in the wild, drunken etc...i even got my foreskin surgically widened because i had a slight relative phimosis (foreskin to tight when erect)
I have had this problem since the (relativly late) beginnign of my sexual life and with every woman so far, even with a prostitute i tried one time.
At the moment i try to surrogate masturbation with using a fleshlight but what i realize now is that i have the same difficulty getting anything out of this method of masturbating with this thing than with real sex.It emulates a vagina so i have the same problem like with a vagina (so to speak):It takes ages and i have to thrust it like crazy while pulling my wildest phanasies.

I didnt even come close for one time in all my sexual live so far, Soooo...that leaves me where? I am really thinking i might let that problem rest for a while and try to get some fun and strenght back out of life before I try anything else.

If anyone has any ideas i missed so far speak up please.

morti out

Sorry to hear things have not turned better at least yet. Have you tried out "have sex while watching porn" method? As far as i recall it seemed to work for some people. Biggest obstacle will probably be to talk your partner into this unless she is very open minded. Unfortunately for me this is simply not an option at the moment, otherwise i would try it out in a heartbeat.

By the way distraction can be quite powerful tool here. My only "completely normal" (only oral and vaginal stimulation) intercourse happened with two girls at the same time. Other girl provided excellent distraction and i lasted maximum 10-15 minutes before coming. All this was of course with a condom on, which usually makes RE problem for me far far worse.

CroMagnon wrote:Sorry to hear things have not turned better at least yet. Have you tried out "have sex while watching porn" method? As far as i recall it seemed to work for some people. Biggest obstacle will probably be to talk your partner into this unless she is very open minded. Unfortunately for me this is simply not an option at the moment, otherwise i would try it out in a heartbeat.

Like you said:Its not easy to get the partner to accept this but we did something similar.Well, it was good for turning us on but then i was simply too distracted with having sex with my partner then to look at the tv.I am not very good in doing two things at the same time.

CroMagnon wrote:By the way distraction can be quite powerful tool here. My only "completely normal" (only oral and vaginal stimulation) intercourse happened with two girls at the same time. Other girl provided excellent distraction and i lasted maximum 10-15 minutes before coming.

Yeah that would be a nice idea.Maybe i should try that sometime:)

CroMagnon wrote:All this was of course with a condom on, which usually makes RE problem for me far far worse.

Same here ! Without condom I can at least feel the moisture and the heat of being inside her.With condom I seriously ask myself sometimes if i am even in her or not so little do i feel...

Ah, at the moment i dont care. Maybe thats a solution too, to give it up and not give a damn but i fear that long term that could be the end for a relationship.