This is ruining my life

Since I was a teenager, wet dreams have plagued my life. I started watching porn, and masterbating around then. This has continued pretty much until the present day, as a 27yo. I never last as long as I would want to, and this extended into sex when the time came.

I have had 2 long term relationships, and they are also my only sexual relationships. One lasted 3 years, the other 5 years - which just broke up. Both relationships were plagued with my premature ejaculation. Most times, it never lasts more than 30 seconds. Its absolutely devastating. The wet dreams had stopped entirely while I was with this girl, but since the break up about 3 weeks ago, they have started again with a vengence. This is particularly distressing, as I am sleeping on my friends couch after the breakup. Currently I am at my parents place for the holidays, and last night I had another wet dream - this time, prematurely came IN THE DREAM. I am now pretty convinced its a psychological problem. When I masterbate, I can last a relatively long time (2 minutes sometimes), but during sex, I often blow as soon as I enter. How can this be a biological problem? Relaxing doesnt help. Not thinking about it doesnt help. Nothing I do helps.

I have pretty bad anxiety, which is starting to affect my work, and the break up with my girlfriend has been devastating for me. My sex life was very bad with her, and I tried to improve it, but she didnt seem interested in solving the problem, despite constantly telling me to make her come (protip: that doesnt help matters). Im beginning to think either the anxiety has always been there, and is contributing to my problems, or that they are triggering the anxiety in me.

What can I do about it?

Hi, Vertigo! Your ex really should have been more understanding. Maybe the anxiety she made you feel made things worse. How about talking to your doctor about it and asking for the name of a specialist?

As far as I know specialists may help you with certain sprays and exercises. So, do not want to solve this problem alone, look for help.

well, I guess this forums also help people like you have problems, don't be ashamed to share it.

Well, everyone told me back at the start it was all in my head. Now 15 years later, what's in my head is mental illness from everyone telling me it's a mental problem with an easy fix. Now if you like mind benders, this is a doozy. So I stopped listening to these people, and the voices in my head that told me I was an idiot for not figuring this out - for not being able to figure it out. And ever since I've been searching for other answers. I feel the problem is hard-wired. The first time I had sex, I had no reason to fear performance anxiety, I didn't even know what that was... so why did it happen. Why would it happen ever since no matter how long I've dated a girl? Sure, sometimes would be faster than others, but still generally uncontrollable. Always fully unacceptable though, and from what I can tell absolutely hilarious and shameful to society at large.

So I want to find a fix if it's out there. A fix maybe by someone or something that gives a damn. A fix for this hard-wired problem.

I get the feeling you can be helped, I get the feeling your trying to protect yourself against something. those defenses are in the way. They worked at one point in your life. Now they need to be ancient business.....

I'd like to ask you some questions and see if they apply?

1. Did you start the masterbating at a young age to release anxiety more than something sexual, like before puberty?
2. To relieve anxiety, you found you could do this to bring it down.
3. When puberty happened, and as your sexuality came about, you superimposed sexuality with an anxiety release?

IF these are true, it sounds as if you found ejaculating was like a drug to calm anxiety. Nice brain chemicals like sarotonin (or howerever it's spelled,) give a pleasant feeling to the mind ands body and for an anxiety discoverer, it's like a goldmine.

When you reach puberty, you have the ideas of what you want sexually in your mind from the opposite sex. But, when it happens, those "old" adhered fantasies to not jive with a real encounter. So you find trouble in the actuall event!

The more masterbation, the more problem. And, it becomes unsatisfactory when having intimate relations.

WHat has happened is that masterbation and the fantasies and all that you have learned to counteract anxiety has become the norm for intimate encounters. What you want to do, and the part wants are two different things. THe only way to help this...

And, here I go again... never mind see my other posts to moderators...

You have to stop the habit for a while. You have found that Seritonin has become your drug for anxiety and the ejaculation act is fulfilling that. Stop for a number of days, and it might work. Try your best to hold off on it, so when the encounter happens, it's that much special. Ejaculation exercises in creating Seritonin can live you insensative to the real act, but a slight absense might help.

Just try to ubstain and see what happens.

Vertigo wrote:Since I was a teenager, wet dreams have plagued my life....

Sleep wearing a jonny? Seriously tho! I think you should look for a girl whose into a semen fetish. This way you could satisfy her and not feel inadequate. My own problem is insensitivity. My penis gets hard, but not enouth for penetration. I think because it's too big. I know most have phobias about smallness. I don't have a size phobia, its just an observation. I have used Viagra and it works, but then I can't ejaculate without masterbation.
Here is a good personals site for fetishes!
http://www.Collarme.com

When guys masterbate... they use it for sexual tension and...since it increases "the good feeling hormones" they use it to take off tension. Studies have said that masterbation is just a way to relieve sexual and physical tension.

Now, I am not sure if this is exactly true... especially the behavior part?

Women use testosterone... just like guys, as sexual hormone. Yet guys have at least 60 times more. The extra is for male developement. Yet, with all that teststerone, guys must ventilate it some how... exercise, territorial dispays, (My GI joe... kidding.)

Sometime in a guys life he will find masterbation... as a release mechanism... for tension... and can be used as sexual tension reliever. Then, it can be "the sexual response," if done often enough... caused by emotional distress of somekind...(for, instance refected by the opposite sex at an early age) but I guess it could be any guy mfor other reasons.

This is the problem. When a guy is ready for "love making," he might find it difficult. The reason is because the fantasies he has had for such a long time (even before puberty) don't line up with the real thing he is experiencing. In other words he is fantasizing too much.

It's a habit. A sexual habit... masterbating has turned into the ultimate anxiety and tension releaver. Like a drug which must be done to keep balance.

What to do?

Stop... for a while. Stopping all together has terrible repercussions on the body. You have used the chemicals of masterbation as a drug. So as long as those chemicals, you feel alright. But, imagine stopping for a few days. Sexuality goes from "OK. Yes something to do." To "I need this." Now you are ready.

So, it might be habitual... the habitual nature of masterbation. And, you are looking for something more geared to the opposite sex?

It might help.