RE - what do you want your girlfriends to know?

Hey everyone - my BF has RE. I'm a psych nurse and have a good understanding of how it comes about, and modern treatments. He is also on medication which doesn't help matters, however, the RE existed before he started on it. I'm completely OK with it - don't "take it personally", love him to bits, and know that good sex doesn't have to end with ejaculation. I'm not looking for a "cure"... I'm just looking for a little advice from those who suffer from RE.

What do you want your wives/girlfriends to know? How does it feel from your perspective? What kind of support would be valuable to you? I want to communicate to him that I don't give a rats arse if he cums or not..just that I love him and enjoy being close to him, in whatever form that takes. I would welcome any advice, suggestions, experiences, comments..whatever. Thanks!

Eventually, I would like my partner to know everything about me. I would expect them to tell me everything about themselves too. Labels are not important, however, because when you are in love, you love the person for who they are. Labelling them as this or that may upset the balance and introduce false perceptions of your partner.

Drop all labels and love the person as they are.

awww... wow.... what a great response! You are so right. Thankyou. I have not actually mentioned the term "RE" to him, for that exact reason...he does not need a "label". He needs to be loved and accepted for who he is.

But I know it is on his mind, and that it does bother him a great deal - it is sometimes so difficult to convey the message "I love you for YOU, not for your ability to cum", without also sending the message, "I know you have a problem here". I have tended to approach it by ending the sexual encounter (if I know it 'aint going to happen) far before he "gives up", by just kissing and holding him. Giving him the chance to end an intimate encounter without feeling like he has failed in some way...rather have it ending knowing he is loved and wanted. And yet I know at times he feels that he has failed, and I hate that he feels like this.

The times he has actually been able to cum inside me have been when we were not actually officially "having sex" but just fooling around while watching TV or something. Usually quickly and without much warning. I feel that this is probably because he has had this difficulty for a long time, and a long marriage where he was made to feel "under pressure", and has learned that "sex means success or failure...nothing fun about it".

He has one of those minds that tend to fire on all cylinders...and I suspect this is part of the problem. He finds it difficult to get his mind to stop wandering onto other stuff..work especially. During those times when he can momentarily forget the worries in his world (such as the times I've just described), orgasm works. But it is like being told to "think about nothing"....just the idea of it makes you think harder than ever about how to do so! lol... it is not something you can orchestrate, but something that just happens now and then.

Considering this problem, perhaps focussing more on foreplay is advisable. This is what I do anyway: The actual act of copulation / sex doesn't interest me. Foreplay is the ultimate experience for heightened arousal / sensuality. It sounds like he has the typical male brain that sex is the only thing to do with a woman. When I am with a girl, sex is never on my mind; getting to know her body and her mind IS.


So - I dunno - maybe you can try to change his outlook on everything sexual... ...?


Kevin.