Teenage Sexual Frustration (I know this is cliche)

Hi, this is my first post despite haunting certain forums on occasion for some time. I usually stick to anxiety or schizoid related topics but I think I've learned that sex is where my problems lie.

I'm a 16y male living in a pretty healthy home relationship. I had an incredibly intense time of anxiety and dissociation for the first two years of high school but am doing much much better. I've done quite a bit of reflection on the causes of my mental health problems and the only environmental stimulus that could have caused it was when I was very young, around 4, I had a urinary tract infection. I had a weekly procedure where my dad and some doctors would pin me down and insert a catheter into my urethra... Yuck, up until relatively recently I had never even remembered it...

Sorry for the rambling now Ill talk about my current dilemma. This year, after my anxiety subsided I engaged sexually 4 times with 3 different girls(first I done anything past a quick peck in 8th grade). Im hetero, with some bisexual curiosity but it doesn't really worry me. What worries me is that I became rather uncomfortable all 4 times once they touched me penis. I've always been uncomfortable with intimacy but now that I've actually done stuff I can no longer just say that sex would never be an option.
I want to engage sexually with people but Im far too uncomfortable.

Any suggestions?

Welcome to the forum, zarathrusters. [I love that username!] I hope you keep posting.

Can I ask. How much of a relationship did you have with the girls before the sexual contact? It might be that it takes a while for you to relax around a person. And that it's understandable given your background. That a relative stranger touching you might be scary not sexy.

Are you comfortable masturbating? If so, I would guess that this is just something that's going to take a little time to get used to. With a partner you trust and are comfortable with. And that as long as you take it slowly and don't try to rush things. Everything'll go pretty smoothly. That's my non expert guess, anyway.


There's heavy pressure on people in many countries to get sexually active as a teen. A feeling of "missing out." Or "everyone else is doing it." But I don't think either is true. Many people lie about it. To fit in. Which is a shame, but that's peer pressure. Waiting until you are "ready" may take weeks or years. And neither is wrong or bad. It's just down to what's right to you. And being pushed into something by other people isn't right for anyone.

Pavlov's dog - You associate touching your penis with pain, helplessness and humiliation because that's what happened to you when you were small. You were traumatized. You need to be de-programmed. It may not be totally effective because of emotional scarring from the depth of the trauma, but anything has to help. Counseling would probably be a good step in your case.