Why do I consider sex with a female wrong?? Help please..

I'm a 32-year-old male who considers intercourse with the opposite sex wrong. [This, I guess, might also have come from the fact that, as a kid, I was extremely attached - more emotionally than sexually- to my sister, 9 years my senior. ]

Haunted by this feeling since a teenager, I would avoid physical/sexual contact with females. I haven't had a real relationship with them, except 2 unsuccessful casual encounters, and last year with a girl that aroused me sexually but we split before having real sex.

(Over the last 5 years, deeply despaired, I started having casual encounters with males, but this didn't fill my emotional void either.)

It's been about 3 weeks that I've been dating a nice girl, and I want to establish a proper physical - and sexual - connection, but it also feels a bit awkward to me. [Luckily enough, she seems to be patient and inexperienced herself].

I really need some advice on how to approach the idea/reality of sex as just a natural part in our life, especially considering the crucial place it takes in a long-term relationship.

Thanks alot

You need to establish your view on sex if you want it to be normal. You can choose to view sex as one of two ways:
1. Not a big deal, just a means of having fun and feeling amazing pleasure.
2. The ultimate form of expressing love, when your and your girl's bodies become one.

Do you feel sexually aroused by your new girl?
For a proper sexual encounter, you should set an ideal atmosphere. This might be more difficult than the average bear since you need to set the mood for the both of you. I suggest night time, while watching a romantic comedy together in bed. Be touchy-feely; kiss her, hold her in your arms as you caress her. Find out what turns you on and take advantage of it. Gradually take off her and your clothes starting with tops. Lay sweet, small kisses upon her nakedness starting from the neck moving down to the belly. It should all come naturally from here really.

^Is that at all working for you? xD

Hey..thanks for the elaborate input

Well, we've met 3 times so far, in public coffee bars. However, this noon, when we met again, I got a real boner looking at her and in us exchanging smiles. I wanted to sit close to her, and cuddle but she said she was afraid to give me the flu - she really had a fever. We parted kissing each other on the cheek..

Referring to the two approaches you mention, I guess i'm starting to consider sex firstly like option 1 being complimented by option 2.

Oh, you met her virtually?

You getting an erection is a great sign, you have no issues. Your main concern should be making a wrong move or moving the relationship too quickly. This would make her uncomfortable and you might miss your chance.

If you need further help like tips on how to get her in the position I described, I would gladly help, but there are also a bunch of guides on the internet with potentially better info~

Since you are writing in English, and this is primarily a "Western" web site, I assume that your were reared in a typically sex-negative, sexually repressive society. Me too. My parents, who presumably had sex to create me, were very successful in teaching me that only bad people had sex unless it had been sanctified by Christian marriage. It has taken me decades to develop a somewhat healthy view of sexuality, but I still have problems. I always have to overcome mental obstacles when it comes to having sex with my wife, even though we've been married almost 50 years, and actually share a good — not perfect — sex life.

I suggest that you read a lot about sexuality, talk about it a lot, and try hard to get into a space where sex seems like a normal part of life, which almost no one in our society wants to admit.

Other

In reply to HoryLeo.. We didn't meet online but through my brother's wife - they were classmates, and good friends. You're right that I need to manage the whole thing properly from now on, in order to create a normal relationship in all regards. Thanks again.

In reply to Myotherlife.. Thanks for your feedback. I live in the Balkans, Europe, and my society is pretty conservative when it comes to sexuality and sexual freedom. My parents would never discuss sexual matters with any of us children, considering it kind of a taboo subject, and taking it for granted that a male/female won't have difficulty acting as such in the sex department.

Something in your upbringing either turned you off on sex with a girl, made it distasteful or even wrong on what could be several reasons. Maybe you were told or came to believe that it was immoral or maybe that depending on a female for gratification is 'weak' or something. My sister has told me that my mother convinced her that all men were bad and abusing them was better than being abused yourself. I probably don't have to say that she's found having a satisfying relationship difficult. Sad to say that she ended up with a guy that was too crazy for her to 'handle' and she ended up on the short end of the stick when she really tried to make the relationship work. Turn about is hell. She's now realized how mixed up she was .

My mother taught me that all women hate sex. She also taught me that I was conceived because my father date raped her. Consequently, I can't have sex and deeply resent and hate my family for it.

Get help while you can. I am too old (45) and it is too late for me but you are still young. I wish I would have gotten help. Now, all I can think about it dying as soon as possible. Without the possibility of a relationship with another human being, life for me if very difficult