i feel like i'm crazy

okay so pretty much everything i do just drives me insane. I feel like i'm extremely worthless and like everything i do is wrong. I steal and I do #######5 things. I hate my appearance and everything about it. I am an awful person and i really just don't know what to turn to.

Hi, abcdefg3,
Now that you are realising that the cost of your thefts is the loss of your self esteem and other people's respect and trust, you have a tool to deal with this 5 finger discount urge. Every time you see something you just gotta have, think of the price. Is it really worth how bad it makes you feel later?
Your sense of personal impoverishment isn't about what you have, but about who you think you are. For starters, seeing yourself as honest and trustworthy instead of a weasley little thief will go a long way in making you feel better. You can just say no to this urge to steal. Eventually the temptation will fade, as you become the kind of person who would not steal, as that is beneath you.
Even how you perceive your appearance will improve as you see yourself as a person of strong character. We all have wrong temptations; it's whether we give in or stand up to them that determines our self worth.

i feel the same..like i should just shut the ###$ up, yet at the same i dont give a $#%^.

long time ago i apologized for something when i was feeling like $#%^ (not that i dont right now, actually i just feel..dead) so anyways, in some ways i've told this guy, friend of mine (i can't remember, i'm also somewhat split) that neither him or myself should apology and that is just a load of crap.

and now i feel dead. it's not like i haven't. is just strange..like coming from a long time ago trip and everything's changed. i feel crazy. damn plain crazy.

so what is behind an apology? is it good? i'm a LION and i think not.
like is just serves self-guilt. and also serves to lose yourself, cause after all we all act as we do. and what's done is done.

i don't know, i feel so strange, i dont know why im alive honest.
i've shut from everyone and i can't relate to one single person. not anymore, sometimes i do get bursts of cranky or hate.

i hate myself for apoligizing and i hate myself for hating the apology.

christians apologize and they're ok. jesus could have saved himself.

it all started long time ago, i was schizotypal. then $#%^ happened and i lost my sense of 'self' then it's been just a rollercoaster of $#%^.

i feel dead. i thought saying that neither him or myself got to apology would raise something. but nope. not changes, and looking back at the e-mail it looks like a rant, except for a few paragraphs, i value him as a painter. and person.

nevertheless i don't even know who he is anymore, or who i am anymore. and saying that i'm jeckyl and hide would be like apologizing again.

i feel so dead is undescriptible, nor sad nor happy..just..dead..crazy.
no sense of self, no nothing. at least i dont' feel depressed. i've got to go..forever.

would like to hear insights on apologies, good or evil? doesn't matter anyways.

all this is beyond my capacity, this forum is irreal. yet im so isolated..
like quantum leaps..

why am i typing if i am dead?i can't feel, music. i think im ######6 crazy.
and i should be scared. the realization that finally you've cracked up.
hope not..peace off.

nevermind, i'm ok. though id let that part of me venting, maybe i'd get some answers though about something. anyways, i agree with puma.

Hi, yeh-,
It seems to me that underneath the dead feeling is remorse and anger. Its like you have all these feelings, but can't get to them. Feeling dead after experiencing an emotional event with a negative outcome is understandable. Its a way of trying to shut off pain.
Appologies are pleas for forgiveness. If the person being appologized to does not respond, or responds negatively, that can be very painful.
It is worthwhile to tender an appology if you feel you have done someone wrong. Also, though, you have to keep in mind you may not receive the response you would like to get. We have no control over other people's feelings despite our best efforts to influence them.
Feeling isolated from all of humanity is hard, but to even feel isolated from one's self is worse. If its any comfort to you, know that this feeling of personal isolation is very common. Keep posting here in the forums and talking about it. This will help you reunite with yourself in degrees.