dont kno wat to think nemore

i live the most boring life one could ever imagine- not through choice though.
i will explain everything n u dont kno who i am so it doesnt matter.
i am female, 17y/old and 80kgs. i have tried EVERYTHING that i can to try to get a nice body n nothing seems to work for me. hell, i even tried bulimia, throwing up wat i eat...BUT IT DOESNT seem to come up for me!!?? which in turn makes me even more pissed off coz i cant even make myself f**ing anorexic!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway i havent even had a boyfriend in ages, like years not months, hell i havent even been kissed yet. how lame is that. i was sitting with a group of girls the other day and they were all talking about how they had had sex and the guys were fighting over them etc (and i kno this is true for a fact they werent making it up to sound cool) n i was just sitting there thinking i cant even get a boyfriend yet alone do all those things!!
i think most good looking guys today only go for the girls with the good bodies/. if they say they dont they r lying. thats y i have been soooo alone for the last however many years.
i feel as though i am wasting my teenage years on nothing. i have not got anywhere, not had any fun, havent even been kissed, thats an example of how alone i am.
every friday and saturday no one calls me or invites me to go out, while all my other friends r talking about how many parties they go to and how they got picked up by all these hot guys, and i am sitting at home every weekend all ALONE all by myself, i never have anybody to snuggle up to, or to get close to or to kiss hold n touch like every other girl is lucky enough to have.
i just cant stress how ALONE in life i feel. my grades are falling, i am getting more and more quieter in my attitude, and i feel as though my friendship is falling with a lot of friends too, as though they dont like me anymore.
i dont know, i just hate looking in the mirror too. its slack to myself to do this-- but i will often look in the mirror at myself, just looking there for minutes and tears will roll down my cheek as i call myself names u cant even imagine, hurtful names.
my head is messed up big time!!!
i feel like cutting my stomach to get rid of some pain, but im too scared to cut, another thing i cant even do. (aniorexia also).

i just wish i could lose some weight and get some friends and a boyfriend who loves ME for who I am not just to have sex with, i need to feel loved.

i sometimes have gone clubbing underage a few times, and because the guys there are mainly drunk this is the only time they give me attention, it is the only place i feel accepted- the f**ing club.....thats low man....

i want to start taking drugs even to heal a bit of the pain, and i have even gone from listening to punk, to start listening to slow rnb ("sad" songs haha) to now i am starting to listening to "depressing" music such as evenaesnce and papa roach to fit in with my mood.

if anyone has some advice for me, please let me know wat i can do because i dont want to wake up tomorrow and be 35 years old and still running in the same circle i am in right now, with no boyfriend or husband and still depressed and screwed up in the head. thx

sweetie,
is there a counselor at school you can talk to? what about your family?
it really hurts to hear you beat up on yourself like this....
your 're 17 and this is a tough time for many kids because you want to be accepted and fit in, at the same time you're discovering your individuality.
Do you have any interests and hobbies? You need to find something that gives you back your confidence, something that you can give yourself by your own achievement and not through mere outer appearance. Just because the attractive girls have sex and shallow boys at their feet doesn't predestine them to a better life than you. I felt exactly like you, at your age I looked way younger than 17 and didn't have many curves, but time passed, I have an interesting profession, a great husband and my lack of curves have preserved my youth. It's unfortunate that there is so much importance on looks, especially when you're a teenager, but looks are totally relative. The girls who were thought to be sexy and cute when I was in high school are getting rather frumpy with age.
When I was at that age, what saved me was my interest in art, movies, books and travel. I tried to find and found friends with similar interests and attitudes instead of hanging out with girls who only had boys and dating on their mind. I'm trying to say that there is much more to your teenage years than going out on a date, making out with boys, parties. As you said that stuff is fun, but it's only just fun and fun is not serious, so therefore don't take that stuff so seriously (hope that makes some sense).

yes it did help a little bit, i was just in a bad mood and i needed to get some stuff off my chest and after i wrote it it helped a bit.
i went clubbing a few times and i saw all the prettier girls there that seem to 'have everything' and i just wished that i looked like them and got the attention before my teenage years are over u kno have some fun while im still young. and being realistic i kno i probably wont get to be like them, and thats ok i guess, i'll just try to find acceptance with who i am, even though im not AS good looking as them
thx for ur understanding.

Good to hear you feel a bit better. Writing stuff down helps with clearing up your thought process.

You'll get plenty of attention....you're only 17. There are plenty of opportunities to have fun in your future. What makes you think the fun stops as soon as you hit 21?

yeh..oh i dont kno lol, once i hit 21+ it just seems 'old' and no one will want to be with u when u go clubbing etc coz they go for the young 17yr olds and 18yr olds etc..thats wat i think anyway hehe
but ur right, u can still b older and pretty right, look at paris n britney for example, theyre 'old'.....lol

Don't pick yourself apart about this. I'm 16, (going to be 17 in one week actually), and I understand your problems. My older sister is over 200 lbs, and can't lose the weight no matter what she tries. I use to be overweight too, but if you focus, and put yourself on a strict diet (but healthy diet....bulimia makes your teeth yellow and rot out and THEN you'll really feel like crap) and exersize everyday for 30 minutes. It takes a while but even the basics work...
As far as the whole looks thing goes, yeah, it is true that guys like the "hot chicks". But personality goes WAY farther then looks go. seriously. I see some pretty ugly chicks hanging out with some pretty good-looking guys, and even if you're not his gf, the love of a friendship is still good.
If you want to go out more, seriously, do more extra-curriculars!! Its hard at first to start, but when I started dance, cheerleading, and choir at the same time everything really came together, and I lost weight like you wouldn't beleive. FInally, just remember every single teenager doesn't have a social life where they go out every day. But that doesn't make them any less of a person, and technicallly it doesn't mean people like them less. Just keep optomistic and everything will come together. It did for me , all my love <3