im so confused

for a while now ive felt like ive jst been lost. i dont no what to do or where to go.ive been threw so much crap in my life i reli dont no how im still here. i feel so sad and alone and i feel worthless, i have a great family and ive tried to talk to them but i cant i jst freeze up. i was in care when i was 14-16, and wen i was a little girl i was sexually abused by a family member, and i still see him today.when i was 13 i got attacked and raped one my way home from school. yeah i no, i have a crap life,tell me about it. man its so crap how you see people and they have everything, and i look at myself and all i see is a recked, a hopeless, worthless reck. i feel so frightened, ive tried to kill myself but i jst fail like i do with everythin else, i just need someone to talk to. i jst want sumone to reach out and help me. i cry alot but i dont no why, i jst wish i new how to stop feeling like this, i jst want to be happy. does anyone out there no the true meanin of happyness? its so hard to write this all out, cause theres just so much more i want to say. but i dont no how, how do i get all my feelings out?, without bursting out cryin so noone can understand me, or flying into a rage and hurting someone, i no i have alot of anger i jst dont no how to get it out properly without causing harm.i really do think that if i dont sort my head out, im not going to be here for much longer, and theres so much i want to do, but im stopin myself.

Hi lost,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are so depresssed. But I'm telling you now that I know that there is hope and happiness after abuse and sadness. I have major depressive disorder along with ocd and anxiety, so I really get into ruts sometimes and feel like there will be nothing other than what I'm feeling at that moment. It takes alot of work to get through all the painful memories and finally let go before you can be happy. But essentially, after all the hard work and pain and anger, you CAN be happy. You just need to find the right therapist. I went through at least 10 therapist before i found the right one. You might also want to try an anti-depressant for a short time to make this part of the healing process a little easier. You are going to feel better ecspecially since you want to. Thats the first step. I think you next step should be to try and find someone to talk to. If therapy seems like something you wouldn't want to do then find someone you can confide in and let it all out. Has this person that abused you been convicted? Why do you have to still see him/her. The truth is that you don't. If you still hold anger towards this person and feel uncomfortable around this person, you should not subject yourself to such degradaton. This could be adding too your depression. Well I hope you get the help you truly deserve. And If you need any help finding a therapist in your area contact me. I may be able to be of some help. Stay strong.
-Amy