Sleeping - Schyzophrenia

I'm not too sure if i belong here, i have a long history of mental problems but was never diagnosed because i couldn't communicate well with the social worker or psychiastrist.

I've have trouble sleeping since i was 14 years old, i wasn't too sure of the reasons but ever since my conscioussness awakened at around 16 years old, it seems i'm always replaying the same events in my head wether i am trying to sleep or just functioning in my daily life.

I replay the same events of the past, thinking about i did wrong or right trying to find an explanation, trying to unlock my past. I'm stuck thinking about the last socializing i've done, over and over again... It's been 3 months now, yet i'm still thinking about it each day, how do people see me?

I've been very concerned, i was mute most of the time since i was 18 years old, i've had homicidal thoughts a lot and i talk about it, this kind of personality is what i show, but i know for a fact that everytime i socialize, it's like a maze and i control how i want people to see me, but it's a different personality everytime, as if i denied my existence and i created a new existance, a new past, a new character which has no values simply to function in my daily routine.

I always try to sleep but like i said it's like a train of thoughts in my mind, replaying the same past events of my life or the last time i had a social encounter.

I often find myself unlocking new doors to the past, which makes me ask what the hell am i? Some kind of monster or just a schyzophrenic being who grew up in an unealthy athmosphere and tried to be like everyone but only in words, not in acts.

I also have distinct voices in my head talking to me, each has their own point of views... it's wierd...

based on what i gave you guys, what am i?

Hello SeenIt91,

From what input you gave us, I don't think you're schizophrenic. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder (hallucinations, delusions, disorganized speech, negative symptoms), and even though you hear voices, you seem to have a pretty good grip on reality. That said, your best bet is to go see a psychiatrist, because no one here can diagnose you accurately.

I'd like to answer more thouroughly but I feel quite bad right now.

I hope this helps you in a small way !

Could be depression. It could be a normal stage of development if you are just 16. However what you should know is that people can not see themselves completely, we are far too complex and always in a stage of learning and change. You don't have to be anyone or anything other than yourself and you are you, nothing more or less. Trying to define what makes you - you will always have you come up short, as any view you take, will just obscure some other aspect of who you are. People can't define you and how you see yourself is merely one perspective, it will never be THE perspective. So relax and enjoy the ride.

I doubt it's depression... depression doesn't last 5 years.

If i had to diagnose myself right now, i'd say i'm paranoid schyzophrenia / narcissist / anti-social.

Chronic Depression can last a life time, just to let you know.
I suggest you remedy your troubles with these readings.
Rumination
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumination_%28psychology%29
Racing Thoughts
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racing_thoughts

I do this sometimes too. I'll replay past social events to myself... just thiking things over. I think this is a sign of loneliness. Maybe you can find a group in your area.

It also helps to have a long term project or a hobby you really really enjoy. That way you don't need other people or the memories to define yourself. I'm into making videogames and it takes a lot of my time and I enjoy it lots. Keeps me at peace.

Is there anything you enjoy doing? Like writing, drawing, computers? Lots of stuff out there and a good way to make money if you are dedicated.

Alirhgt, cya. Don't get too lonely.