What is going on?

Ok Not untill recently did I start feeling this way. Sorry for the unorganization, I'm terrible and making things flow. But I will tell you what is going on as best as I can. I am on 40 mg prozac, 30 mg remeron, 5 mg abilify. I know that I have been depressed on and off for three years. It has finally ended. But my psychaitrists has me visit her once a week. Not my psychologist. I'm a little suspicious of what is going on. What is abilify for? I have yet to fully open up to her. It's been a year. I just hate telling people about my problems. Its awful thinking about what others could be thinking. Here are my problems. During times when there are a lot of people together, social events I end up thinking that people are talking about me or purposefully excluding me. I thought this was just social anxiety but I'm not afraid of groups I just don't like the vibes I get. I have muscle spasms all the time. I often think I am smarter than everyone else and that I am on a level of consciousness that no one else is on. And I sometimes think I am Jesus or a higher being. Any critism tears me apart and my brain disects it to make it worse. There are some things I love but I often find my self never enjoying anything. I don't even enjoy christmas. It's awful. I can never get my thoughts straight. I can never finish a task because I start something new. My mind races faster than I can keep up with. I like to be alone. I have on and off depression. I often have a intense desire to smoke. I love it. I can't help it. I'm not addicted. I have to be moving. I often just drive around for hours. I'm wierd. I think. A lot. Everyday I think of things I plan to do and then I never do them because I loose all motivation. Something is wrong. I have sever ADHD. I have sever OCD picking. I can NEVER express what I am thinking or what I am feeling. WHAts going on here?

I'm not a doctor... but while I think some of your symptoms might be considered serious... I think you're just experiencing normal growing pains. What is your age? You sound like you're in your 20s, trying to figure things out, trying to set goals, find your way in life. I could be wrong...

But a lot of what your describe happened to me. I used to think I was smarter than everyone, I had some of that Jezus chip on my shoulder, hated criticism, etc. I think on some level everyone goes thru something similar as they grow up.

I eventually found my way, chose a field of study, did some dating, got my first real job, and well... grew up. Now I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin, more experienced, and a little more seasoned.

BTW, I don't see anything wrong with driving. I love to take off on a Sunday morning and just drive out to the country myself. Plus I used to be a real heavy smoker too.

It takes time to figure this stuff out. Life's not always easy... there are a lot of awkward phases I went through. I'm still figuring stuff out myself... and I'm in my 30s. My parents say that you never stop learning... even up to your 60s and after. There's always a new set of rules and new obstacles to overcome.

So that's just my advice... and I'm no therapist man. You just sound a lot like me when I went through this stuff and it turned out ok for me. So far anyway.

So cheer up, you don't sound that messed up to me.

Take it easy. PM me if you need to chat. Laters...