Could this be latent schizophrenia?

I think I might have latent schizophrenia. I've been exhibiting symptoms since child, but never fully understanding what's going on until recently. I've always had a bad time showing emotions, e.g., if other kids are cheering about something or being sad I just sat there and wonder why they care so much. Also I never had any friends. The thought of having friends was a bit strange, like, I get why children made friends, but I never really wanted to have one and the thought of having friends was just odd. I preferred living in my own world, where I could create different parallel realities, where, strangely, I was very popular, had many talents and friends. However, these scenarios were shallow and fels unnatural to me. I think I do have some kind of OCD, which has always made me feel intrigued by the thought of organising stuff in my head, like creating a list of my classmates in kindergarten in my head and organasing where they would sleep for example based on friendships, but I was overlooking their behaviour and centered myself on the fact that there is a group of people ordered in the right place. I've also had very shallow interests in many fields, like soccer for example. I'd claim i understand very much about it, but infact, I was interested mainly in statistics like league tables. Also when I chose a favourite team, it was always based on how nice the name of the team sounded. I also am very paranoid. I always am very wary of people because I am afraid they will use me or hurt me and I think they are always lying to me when they say something positive about me. Sometimes it happens when I:m on a walk to see someone and immediately think they will attack me and this makes me feel very scared, although I know no one is really after me. I'm also getting some kind of hallucinations. I get to see things that are actually not there, or when I see a person, sometimes I get to hear a little voice saying: "They will attack you, don't look at them!",or even smell ofors which are clearly non-existing. Although I am a straight man, I am very much dawn to the thought of being a feminine gay and I have sexual fantasies about other men. They repulse me, but I just can't stop thinking about that and I feel like my mind is trying to force me to like men. I also have illusions of grandeur. They are all related to being rich, taleted and important in society. I've imagined myself being a prime minister, or a dancer thst leads a team of disabled dancers (I myself have a very mild form of CP) and become insanely rich and also imagined having a family with a man I met and fell inlove with in my childhood (this last one happened because once I saw a very cute boy in the university dormitories but I never spoke to him). I also tend to kinda prefict things, e.g., I 've been getting numerous flashes that I'll develop schizophrenia if I take antidepressants, but I haven't told anybody about that for a long time, which means it's definitely happening. Another example comes from my job. Because I was performing very well my boss decided to unlock a new skill. This skill led to a slight decrease in my performance and I thought I'm never getting back to the level I used to have. I never told anybody about that and indeed, I 'm performing on a rather worse level ever since.
I've been to a psychiatrist and he said to me, that I am not schizophrenic and that, infact, I have a personality disorder (he didn't specify which one though). He prescribed me antidepressants, but I'm very much afraid, that they will trigger my schizophrenia to become real (I read an article which said that's possible) and I am very scared that this will happen and ruin my life, especially my ability to work and my relationship with my family. I'm scared that I might even hurt or kill my little brother. I haven't been to this psychiatrist ever since, and it's been almost a year. I am however planning to go there in two weeks. Should I go there? Should I take the antidepressants? What do you think?

Well, if your doctor prescribes antidepressants, it may not be a bad idea. I've been told depression can cause rather odd symptoms.

I'd think if you were schizophrenic, you'd have a harder time (unmedicated, that is) of discerning that 'these things aren't real'. But that's just my thought on it.

I would certainly visit your psychiatrist. Remember these people went through medicine school and studied psychology; they generally know what they're doing.

If I have a good grasp of what you're saying here, I'm inclined to agree with your psychiatrist. What you're describing doesn't quite sound like schizophrenia. I don't know which personality disorder your psychiatrist has in mind, you'd have to ask, but I do know the lack of interest in social interaction, intrusive thoughts and a keen interest in facts, statistics and ordering are things that show up in OCD and Autism for example. Depression, as Snaga said, can do strange things to the mind too. There's a lot of options and specialists can filter through them as they get to know you and your symptoms better.

Leaving any health issue, be it mental or physical, untreated is not something I'd recommend. It's like you have a small wound which you don't treat, then it gets infected, and if you don't treat the infection it gets worse and worse until it becomes untreatable. I understand it must be odd and scary but these people are strongly motivated to help you. So, yes, definitely go to your psychiatrist.

Take care

~ Grey/Knight