Advice?

When I first developed schizo I did not want to live I had no logical understand of what my mind was going through and I was in a abusive environment, also leaving a pyscho tic relationship withdrawals were insane. Yea anyway,

I tried killing myself taking mass amount of cleaning supples and pills..
I'm surprised I'm here, cause there was no way I would have made it if I took a drop more.
Traumatizing.

So now, I am 100000 times better. Healthy, happy, delusional sometimes but I have fun with it I'm very intelligent I try to be creative

My point is,
I still cringe whenever I see any cleaning supply, I think that negative energy is causing me to feel remnants of my ugly past

Like there is a force around me persuading me to be destructive or like people carry evil with them and it influences your environment.

Okay so I guess I'm being delusional. (Makes sense when you type it out)
I just know there's so much going on in my mind sometimes I have to consciously find what thoughts are illogical.
I mean nothing is true logic unless it's proven.
I still feel weird seeing supplies, I think I'm scared of where I was I don't want to fall back.
I will never let myself feel like that again.
I have too much to lose,
I was given a life to make things right.
I just need help understanding why I still feel so intensely towards what happened, is it my release of emotions? I know that there's trials of getting over things I haven't thought about it in awhile maybe little wavering thoughts but not to the point where I actually type it out and seek opinions..
This happened last December I think I started devolving my illness a month before that
Everything was a dark gloomy blur

I want to help people who battle this illness.
I know how disturbing it can get.. gotta stay positive..

You should have been taking medication that should dissolve all your emotions (which i don't recommend). How old are you? Are you diagnosed with schizophrenia by a doctor? The way you make it sound is like schizophrenia is a joke.

It's great to hear you feel you have recovered. The fear of the things that cause hallucinations and impose delusions can legitimately become traumatic. It sounds like you had a real traumatic event. Like anyone who reacts to traumatic stimuli you could suffer from that after the fact. Even after I was symptom free (I'm schizophrenic as well) I had relapses, and had to train myself to not be afraid of certain thoughts and well sometimes the emotion would just set in on me seemingly without a trigger that I could make sense of. I would be right back in those same thoughts, and symptoms would be present. Don't let yourself believe that stuff has real power over you. It may not go away right away, but focus on the belief that it isn't in control, and what is in control is not against you. I recall the first time I spoke about the worst of my symptoms and hallucinations. I was covered with goosebumps and was fighting back tears. Today when I recollect that it doesn't do anything to me.

You can overcome that fear, even if it inspires difficult memories, and it adds an extra dimension of challenge to dealing with your disease.