My Schizophrenia

I feel like and have experienced signs of the world knowing what I'm thinking and feeling, it goes in depth from peoples facial expressions, body language, to people using vehicles (going faster or slower, wrong side of the road etc) to communicate with me, also dogs, cats, insects, etc, even nature like lightening, wind, thunder, etc seems to know what I'm thinking and the ways in which they communicate are ways I created and also ways that they appear to have created to communicate with me, usually it's about what's right and what's wrong or opinions, just stuff like that nothing that would seem like a normal casual conversation (probably because I haven't found ways to get that far yet). I am really detached from reality socially and I'm not able to handle being around many people for long amounts of time because the tension is so intense I have to leave the room. I also believe this is true so bad that my thoughts (imagination and speaking) has become very "bad" I guess you could say because of the paranoia and well.. I call it "tripping", I'm not necessarily thinking bad about people or myself on purpose but it had become a habit that I cannot shake due to the fact that can see, hear, and feel everything inside me. I think perverted, violent, embarrassing, humiliating, and just offensive and intrusive thoughts almost constantly and I don't even mean to do it which causes people to apparently react with facial expressions, body language and other means in order to show "dominance" I guess you could say which has really screwed up my head... Now I fear when someone steps on the gas pedal or makes loud noises.. Keep in mind that before I had this "apiphany of sorts" I had major anti social disorders and anxiety disorders already before this and still do combined with this illness. I need a professional opinion on what exactly my symptoms are and also if this qualifies for SSI because if I can't get my disability I will have a really hard road ahead. I do hear voices externally and sometimes internally in my mind as well replying to my downright degrading thoughts, I have had hallucinations where I thought someone was either stalking me or trying to kill me in a very demented way also.. Any opinions on the matter are appreciated, thank you

Also I forgot to mention, this happens to me all day everyday non-stop for 2 years now. There's not one minute out of the day that I can get a break from this.

You can recover from this. I had non-stop symptoms for almost a year and a half before I became medicated and started to disbelieve my symptoms. Medication is a great help to someone suffering schizophrenia, but my experience is that it won't by itself cause you to disbelieve your symptoms. That is something you will have to do on your own. It is very hard if you have been suffering the same symptoms for such an extended time period that the symptoms are as real to you as anything else. However, your life experience prior to the onset of these symptoms tells you that what you are experiencing is improbable, and you know that you have a diagnosable condition that causes people to experience any range of extraordinary things that do not correlate to the physical world we live in.

Doctors don't know all, they are not magicians. I remember thinking my doctor would know everything about what I was suffering, and then feeling like they didn't really understand what was going on with me. The doctors know the fundamentals of any illness, but can't always have answers to symptoms that run on and on constantly, or even necessarily reassure you that the illness has no power over you. You must believe that it has no power over you. You must identify that these symptoms are undesirable, and most importantly, you must believe that you are not meant to suffer them. Your lot in life is not to be overwhelmed by these symptoms caused by your mind. Once you get to a place where you can ignore your symptoms, and take the medication regularly you give yourself a chance to become more involved in the world around you, and it will help make those hallucinations become background noise, that is not alarming nor frightening to you anymore. At some point you may forget you had the symptoms to begin with. Stick to a belief that these things will pass, and not in the future, but that they are passing now. I had severe symptoms for a long time. It took me time to recover from them. You are now about to do the same.