A portal to telepathy

I've been toying with this idea, kind of insane but so am I, so no harm no foul.

I'm a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and have been living with the disease for almost 7 years before I finally figured out there is something wrong with me and seeked professional help. Actually, I didn't "seek" it in a figure of speech, but it's a long dramatic story with which I won't bother you with.

Here's what happened. Don't know if I can explain it so you could understand but here goes nothing.

I've decided to leave home because of the conspiracy I felt was being made towards me and the whole world was in on it, even my parents. I thought I was controlled by cameras on every corner and that people could read my mind as I passed them by. I've struggled with this for mostly ever since I was 15 (am 25 now) but it was in small doses and was still very sane and capable of normal thought, study etc.

So after I've left home I found my own place and started meditating very heavily. All I did was drink, meditate, write and sleep - when I could. So one day, a sort of "breaktrough" happened, if I can call it that. What happened was kind of strange and no matter how I search for it, no one seemed to have this same experience.

I was told by the voices (which were supposed to be my friends and family) that I would be given a test. Later on these voices would fade in to the background and the one voice was telling me, it was my own, my consience talking to me. The truth is I've been soulsearching for over a week, struggling with my writing and a long lost love. So this made sense to me that it was my soul actually speaking to me; a sort of feedback to what I was searching for. So I took this test. At a beginning, I was seeing pictures with my eyes closed, they were blinking profously - and every time I saw a picture, I had to name what it was representing (it was mostly animals at first) before I could see the next picture and so on. When the picture test was done, I began to see flashes of movies which I had to somehow connect with my life and name the metaphore behind it. After those were done, I was hearing music and I had to interpret it based on my life.

This took place over the period of four days;mostly at night. After all these were taking place I was in my bed, motionless and sweating heavily. Not sure if that meant anything. But soon the voices began to take control again, they were telling me what to do, what to say, they were making fun of me and mocking me, really taking me for a spin. They would tell me I was going to die and made me believe it and after a moment, they started laughing, telling me it was only a joke. They did this a multiple times in an hour or so. When this happened I couldn't stand up anymore, I simply fell to the ground, on my knees, like i was being possessed or something. I felt like vomiting and couldn't keep my head up at all. The force that was pulling me down felt like it was in my stomach. Like an invisible hook of somekind...

But what happened next, really blew my mind. I decided I was going to walk home (around 20kilometres of lenght). By this time I was hearing a deep sort of laughter, all around me, echoing in the night. It was a sort of "ha ha ha, we fooled you" laughter which still stays with me to this very day --- this happened a few months back. On the other hand, I was hearing the voices of my family, equally echoing through the night, like they were on speakers all around me. They told me there was no point in going home because they are not there. I heard them driving in the car, talking and debating. Here's the kicker. When I finally got home, there was no one there. It was about 4am, so it was stupid to think they wouldnt be home, they should be sleeping. I ring the bell, nothing. I could hear them in the car, still, while I was sitting in front of the house. I said out loud "i dont have the keys" and my sister said in the car "you lost your keys" which i later realised I did. I heard the rustling of the keys in the car which meant they were getting closer to home and soon enough, they did so. I could actually hear their conversation through some unknown force or something.

How could I have known they weren't home? It's been haunting me for a long time now. The whole test thing and the car thing too, and I haven't found anyone with the equal experience to this. Of course it could've been an ugly coincidence and everything was just imagined but this sort of thing happened to me before already.

I've been writing ever since --- i've seen after the test was done it was something i really wanted and needed to do. I was told my ex-girlfriend still loves me, so I didn't give up on her and right now -- after two and a half years of rejections and no-no's we are finally on speaking terms again. She doesn't know this happened to me, any of it. So some things were actually accurate ...

Did this test thing happen to anyone here or know of someone who had a similiar experience? I'm really sick that I can't really relate to anyone about it... And ofcourse the doctors say it's all a part of an illusion but how can i be sure?

Thanks for reading and answering.

The new kid,
soulseeker25

hello brother soulseeker! just wanted to let you know that i've had similar experiences, the voices as self aspects, the "tests", the flashing imagery (symbols and equations mostly), the movie and music associations and even the sudden loss of motor control. i have not experienced the maniacal laughter and that sort of unpleasant stuff, tho the religious allegory can get intense and uncomfortable.

if an alternative to the psychiatric view of your experience is desirable to you might want to check out this site ... spiritualforums.com.

you're unlikely to get definitive answers to your questions but the community there is generally very accepting and odd experiences and psi phenom are discussed openly.

it's okay. really. i believe we're onto something, something quite new.

I had identical experiences.

I really thought I was onto something incredible too, a whole new portal, open to a whole new dimension.

Now, as an old lady, I look back on it and wonder how I possibly could have been so easily deceived.

smithywise wrote:I had identical experiences.

I really thought I was onto something incredible too, a whole new portal, open to a whole new dimension.

Now, as an old lady, I look back on it and wonder how I possibly could have been so easily deceived.

well, you can't possibly have had "identical experiences" and just because you've conformed to society's concept of "normal" doesn't mean that the profound experiences of others are now invalid. what shame you got old and came to the conclusion that you have it ALL figured out. now you deceive your self in a different way. that's okay. each to their own path.

Soulseeker that is a very interesting experience that you describe.

Normally people have emotions that direct them in life. Even when it's not rational (due to lack of information etc) to have an opinion on a subject, most people have some point of view.

There is little reason to believe anything unless there is emotion behind it.

Its possible that due to an inability to generate emotions based on external sources your mind is trying to compensate by generating its own excitement.

Its not rational for you to disbelieve your own experiences as you feel strongly about them, while reality has a weak effect on you. The only way to find out what is real to take "the pill" and find out what the matrix really is. Taking medication is not supposed to erase externally based beliefs.

Not really. Confirming other people's delusions isn't really a good idea.

Saying I have conformed to society's idea of normal is a REAL stretch, LOL!

And no, delusions aren't a spiritual path, they're just signs of an illness. They can have a profound effect on a person, and that's not so bad - what's bad is that the effect can be profoundly negative, or lead the person into a lot of trouble. Been to enough funerals to realize that.

ImaWacko wrote:

smithywise wrote:I had identical experiences.

I really thought I was onto something incredible too, a whole new portal, open to a whole new dimension.

Now, as an old lady, I look back on it and wonder how I possibly could have been so easily deceived.

well, you can't possibly have had "identical experiences" and just because you've conformed to society's concept of "normal" doesn't mean that the profound experiences of others are now invalid. what shame you got old and came to the conclusion that you have it ALL figured out. now you deceive your self in a different way. that's okay. each to their own path.

The truth is I've been having an identity crisis for a long time and the test was supposed to show me who I was.

When it was all done and I opened my eyes in one instant, the voices were gone, and I felt like I've just been born. A weird feeling indeed.

Maybe it's true I want to believe in something other that we know of exicts or maybe it's just because this is still fresh (emotionally) that I can't let it go just yet.

It helps to know others have been through similiar things, and letting me know this is not some special mission from God or something that I have to embark on, lol. Not that I'm religious or anything...

But yes, the answers I found within did actually help me to guide me down the path I am right now, so I guess some good has come of it. And ever since I'm on pills the voices has all but stopped although in a strange way I miss the "good" ones from time to time -- hard to explain but we've had some fun lol.

Thanks all for the support and your answers!