"The most self-centered, selfish person I've ever known"

Although slightly varied, I've heard this from every girl I've dated. And as with every other comment directed at me, spoken in anger, peppered with epithets and meant to cut, it evokes no emotion. However, those with SPD are given to frequent introspection and as I examine my behavior I don't see it. In fact, I think that I can be quite altruistic at times. Does the very act of constant analysis make me selfish? I don't feel narcissistic. I don't feel more deserving than anyone else. The problem, I guess, is simply that I don't feel. I prefer the adage of "Look before you leap." Is there anyone here that considers themselves to be selfish? Are we selfish?

Their inaccuracy was likely due to being angry, and feeling the need to express such anger. In all probability they weren't astute enough to come up with anything else 'insulting.' Discontinue dating. It's in your best interest.

I've got a theory as to why you're TMS-C,SPIEK.

I'll preface this by saying I'm assuming for the purposes of my theory that you're a schizoid. If it turns out that you're some simpering avoidant or sociopath or narcissistic scum, then disregard the following because it doesn't actually apply to you.

As a schizoid, your ostensible demeanor is either that of a dour serial killer or that of a fairly laid-back, unemotional nice guy. The fact that you had a relationship implies that your ostensible demeanor is the nice guy demeanor, since the dour serial killer demeanor would have been a-priori rejected.

So, she's going to have a more or less pre-determined set of expectations/beliefs about you which are largely informed by the template that gets assigned to most schizoid males (the nice guy template). There are various personality characteristics that you are going to be assumed to have based on the nice guy template: for example, you are expected to be compliant, fair, nonassertive, stable, thoughtful, responsible, etc. etc.

Keep in mind that human behavior is psychologically wired in such a way that the way you're judged/treated is either dominated by or at least heavily informed by whatever packet of prejudicial/preconcieved notions that people have about you based on your ostensible demeanor. So, at least in early stages of a relationship, it will be to a large extent be assumed by your gf that you are a nice guy, with all the aforementioned characteristics.

Here's where it gets complicated. Bear with me on this. How your gf judges you--whether you're judged to be a great guy or an OK guy or a POS or even a TMS-C,SPIEK...is much less important to her than how she judges herself. In other words, she sees you as a nice guy, not a bad boy--if the relationship gets frayed or stressed in some way with a bad boy, that's not necessarily a negative reflection on her own behavior: after all, he's a bad boy. On the other hand, you're a nice guy: and with a nice guy, when she gets annoyed with you, she's going to be much more apt to assume that her annoyance/issue indicates a problem/fault on her part, not your part. So there's going to be this self-recriminatory judgment she'll be placing upon herself continually through the relationship.

So, there are two synergystic dynamics that get going in schizoid/gf relationships: (1) the gf's judging based on the nice guy template--and the tendency toward self-recriminatory judgments she'll be pronouncing upon herself as a result; and (2) the fact that you're not really a nice guy after all--you just look like one because of your SPD. Both of these factors will work together to build up in her mind the idea that she's a really lousy person (and mind you don't forget that the ontological reality of her being or not being a lousy person is completely beside the point).

Now, lemme ask you something: how do (most) human beings react when they've worked themselves into the position of thinking that they're a really lousy person?

The answer is that in addition to feeling really bad about themselves, they'll probably engage in some form of psychological self-defense...and the most obvious, banal, unoriginal, and easily accessible form of psychological self-defense when it relationships gone bad is to lash out against the other person in the relationship.

And that is why you've been called "The most self-centered, selfish person I've ever known."

As we don't really know much about you, we can't really say whether your girlfriend is right or not. I would say that schizoids do have the potential to be self-centered and selfish, as they don't really care about other people and don't need them. I am pretty selfish myself sometimes. But I can also be quite altruistic at times, just because I feel like it.

A Rebours is right about the fact that people usually try to ignore their own flaws and blame everything onto others. But you must have done something or behaved in a certain way to get that kind of accusation out of all your girlfriends. They probably would have called me an inconsiderate, insensitive asshole and I definitely would have given them a reason to do so.

It's the truth.
Fin.

There are two ways to not give a $#%^ about others.
One is self absorption, and the other one is complete indifference.

When the girls see that you don't really care for others, they make the assumption that you are an self centered asshole because social indifference seems to be an unfathomable concept to other people.

I suppose it's because people build their ego from reflecting, using other people as a mirror. Schizoids don't have a clear ego, which is a difficult concept to grasp for normal people and they don't probably know that the possibility exists.

What I find irritating is that this repetition of similar projections upon me for lack of original thought, feelings of inadequacy or reasons I will never, nor care to ever understand have obviously effected me. Hence, a public appeal for answers. I hate that I have lived with and been subjected to classic idea(s) of what a relationship is. That every attempt at one must pass through this apocryphal conduit of “supposed to’s” and “should be’s” carved into my subconscious by alien influences. That I can’t so easily dismiss the notion and expectation of a girlfriend, a wife, a family, as I have so many times with the ideas of so many people to whom I will never relate.

oh ######6 jesus.
Schizoids can't step out of their own little me centred world long enough to even consider that yes other people can be right about them.

Answer this. how often did you call the bitch?
Tell her happy birthday?
Asked her what she liked before ######6 her?

Yes, I know it takes effort to do these things, just like it does for everyone else.
Relationships take work and the fact that you don't care enough to put in that work because you are lost in your own world is a function of that.

She's right, accept it and grow or make up long winded explanations of why you're right and stay the emotionally stunted retard you are.

Ah, I apparently touched a nerve with the comment about sociopaths and narcissists.

My father is a narcissist, and ghy's adverse reaction perfectly mirrors my father's meltdowns.

A Rebours wrote:Ah, I apparently touched a nerve with the comment about sociopaths and narcissists.

My father is a narcissist, and ghy's adverse reaction perfectly mirrors my father's meltdowns.

Get over yourself, I didn't even read your post.
Hell I didn't even read the op's post in it's entirety.
I read the post before mine.