Schizoid & Empathic?

I've researched the Schizoid traits, and I match nearly all of them that I've found. But the one thing I thought was odd, was that I still have empathy for people. Also, when I'm around people, I tend to feel how they are feeling, (Which really sucks).

I know a lot of the people here don't like communicating with people, but I have a compulsive need to help people when their moods are affecting me, because I don't like dealing with those feelings.
Basically: I feel their emotions, and I don't like it, so I try to help.

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Hi samarkov,

I'm wondering if you're simply clinging to a label because you feel different. Here's the thing: everyone's different. It seems to me that you're trying to attach yourself to a group of people that share personality traits as opposed to interests. I can certainly understand the need to belong...but there are so many better ways to fill that need!

And you don't automatically get locked up for schizophrenia. For example, I dated a brilliant, sexy chemist for a while. We broke up over religious differences. And yes, he was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia, yet he still managed to have a successful career and life.

The truth is that we're all different. And mental health issues are on a grayscale, not black and white. A diagnosis is just one name for a cluster of symptoms that are more prominent in some people than in others. Whatever happened to just being people?

I'm not dismissing the possibility that you might have SPD, but I think that structuring your life and your outlook around a diagnosis you're not even sure you have might actually hurt you rather than help you.

Just my 2 copper. You're not obligated to like it.

--Frayed

I've felt exactly that. What you're really feeling are your own feelings which you are then projecting onto others. You are only capable of feeling your own feelings. None of us feels what the other is feeling, only what we feel ourselves. Next time your in that kind of situation accept the feelings as your own and work with them.

Maybe you haven't had enough therapy yet to understand what I mean by work with them; I mean processing your feelings.

That's what I learned. You might also want to look into coIdependence too. We are responsible for our own lives and that means healthy self acceptence.

I dunno if you can have SPD and be empathic. Personality disorders tend to make ppl lack empathy because of inherent narcissism. I do know you can have SPD and think you're empathetic.

So good luck. I sure hope you get some more responses. Its an interesting topic.

I have a lot of empahty for animals. I feel sorry for them because they have to share this planet with humans and are pretty much at their mercy.

When someone has been beaten down by life, I can pick up on it. It takes one to know one, I guess.

I have to say that people who display strong emotions around me are quite distressing to me. So I usually try to calm them down (or whatever seems appropriate) in order to stop their emotional outbursts. I don't feel for them, their openly displayed emotions just make me feel uncomfortable.

How do you guys "feel empathic"? When my best friend comes to me crying, I don't even know how to comfort her... I find it really awkward. Instead, just so I don't seem uncaring, I ask her questions that will lead to the facts, like "what, when, why", then end it with something like, "wow, that sucks. so what are you going to do now?", then "ok"... I'm really a bad friend sometimes.. I guess I always thought that being able to just listen was enough...

I feel no empathy, guilt or remorse. Though that may be a sign of something more serious than SPD.

user wrote:How do you guys "feel empathic"? When my best friend comes to me crying, I don't even know how to comfort her... I find it really awkward. Instead, just so I don't seem uncaring, I ask her questions that will lead to the facts, like "what, when, why", then end it with something like, "wow, that sucks. so what are you going to do now?", then "ok"... I'm really a bad friend sometimes.. I guess I always thought that being able to just listen was enough...

I dunno, lol.
I'm the same. A few years back my sister was trying to get to university.
She had studied fookin hard and she takes education extremely seriously, she was on her best performance and then she didn't get an invitation (turned out that she did just fine and letters just were late) so she just broke. She was feeling hopeless and generally pretty bad. She was living in my apartment that summer so I was the one she was crying to.

I had zero initial reaction. Only after a while when she had started crying right next to me I figured that maybe I should at least put the game on pause. My give-a-shit-o'meter is just broken.

user wrote:How do you guys "feel empathic"? When my best friend comes to me crying, I don't even know how to comfort her... I find it really awkward. Instead, just so I don't seem uncaring, I ask her questions that will lead to the facts, like "what, when, why", then end it with something like, "wow, that sucks. so what are you going to do now?", then "ok"... I'm really a bad friend sometimes.. I guess I always thought that being able to just listen was enough...

Giving a hug may be a good start. If she's crying in your arms slowly stroking her head or back could also prove to be effective in calming her down. Saying things like "Everythings gonna be fine!" in a calm, reassuring voice could also help and make you feel like an idiot at the same time. Finally, after they stopped crying, let them talk about why they were crying. Don't give them any rational solutions, just let them talk about everything while trying to come across as empathetic.

Or alternatively, just tell them to ###$ off. The second one is the easiest and most comfortable way, but holds the possibility of her breaking up your friendship. The first one gives you a huge sympathy bonus from her, but holds the potential danger of her deciding that coming to you for crying isn't such a bad idea. ^^

I've gotten quite good at this in recent years. As I recall, I started out by telling myself I am an actor and I have to say certain lines etc when people get emotional. Now I can turn that switch on and off rather easily. The great thing about it is that it takes attention away from you. People get used to crying to you about their burdens in life and totally forget to ask what you are feeling.