Abuse?

When I was 10 or 11 I used to get this 3 year old to tickle/stroke my hands in secret for pleasure and I also remember getting her to climb on top of me and I don't know why... I think if felt good.

Is this sexual abuse? I don't remember properly touching private bits or her touching mine. Just the her on top of me memory.

Hi Crazy,

I think that what you have to ask yourself is (1) did you mean to hurt this girl? I think the answer is clearly 'no' from what you've posted here. (2) did you hurt her despite not meaning to. I don't know the circumstances, but I think that there is a good chance she was not hurt by your actions. What I'm trying to say is, I don't think your intention or the consequences of your actions were bad. You probably wouldn't do that now that you know what you are doing. I think that you should forgive yourself and let it go. It's interesting, my BF had a somewhat similar event when he was very young and he still just feels awful and guilty about it. I think that you should forgive yourself honey.

Jen

I'm 30 now and this girl is 22. She doesn't remember it happening. So it's ok? I do have ocd so maybe it didn't happen how I think. Plus kids explore right?

Yes. She has definitely been subconsciously effected by this. You are a paedophile.

Anxious58 wrote:Yes. She has definitely been subconsciously effected by this. You are a paedophile.

Thanks

Are u serious??

Hi

I moved your thread to Remorse because I think it is more appropriate there. I have left a shadow topic here tho so you can have the benefit of replies from both forums.

It sounds to me like there was something that happened when you were a kid that you feel bad about coming into play with OCD to me. I think OCD can make worry about things like this a lot worse. It does not sound like anyone was harmed during these episodes although I cant say that for certain of course. But it does not sound like it from what you have said. I think that the OCD might be letting this run away from you a bit. Do you see anyone for that? If so it might be worth telling them you are struggling with this issue.

Anxious58 If you have not got anything useful to say dont say anything at all

Cracked

Thanks

I have seen a therapist and will be starting cbt soon.

My therapist does tell me that she doubts anything bad happened and that the hand stroking thing was the same as the childhood games where you draw pictures on each others back with your finger and the other guesses. Yeah it feels nice but not sexual.

And maybe my ocd is making an innocent memory of having the girl on top of me (clothed and I am female) and suggesting that I had sexual feelings when they could have been nurturing feelings.

This is the logical me talking. What do u think?

Like I said...I know I didn't touch intimate parts nor have mine touched.
My friend said even if I did it'd be curiosity but I can't agree

I've seen a post on here where a 12 year old did masturbate with her much younger brother and everyone said not to judge by adult standards and that it was innocent.
That said...I've done nothing near that so should be ok.

From what you have said I think worry that you have about this is more likely to be linked to OCD than having done something really bad. You were a child and it sounds like what you did was innocent to me. I cant say 100% as I was not there but in my experience I have met and PMed quite a few people in similar situations to you where OCD played a part in how they were feeling. I am glad you are getting the therapy for this and I hope it helps you

Cracked

No way. That isnt sexual abuse. Ok it was a bit weird but you didnt hurt her, didn't take any liberties and you can't even remember why or what you did it for. Young kids can sexually abuse others, often unknowingly i.e. not realizing that what they are doing is abuse is not acceptable. I dont believe what you did was abuse, I don't believe she would have known. If you regret it, if she doesn't remember, if you didnt hurt her, touch her sexually, get her to touch you sexually then I wouldnt say it was sexual abuse.