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i did something horrible last year...

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i did something horrible last year...

Postby iwanttolearn » Tue Oct 02, 2018 5:53 pm

Hello, last year at age 21, i saw a guy friend on the bus. out of excitement of seeing him unexpectedly, i started tapping on the side of his shoulder in a playful but affectionate way....

Last year, I was at a very unhealthy place in my life, I was dead sure that i would never have a man love me because i am gay and i came from a conservative country where LGBTQ+ matters are still illegal....all the men i have loved in the past would feel afraid of me or avoid me like a ghost if i ever had a crush on them even if i didn't do anything.

anyway i digress, after tapping my friend in the side of his arm, i realized he was not afraid of me, he didn't avoid me or treat me like a monster, basically, he didn't turn away from me and looked fine with me touching his shoulder.

I was very surprised by his lack of annoyance or fear of me that i thought to myself, "this might be the only chance i will ever touch a man, my one last chance". So i decided to move on to a more intimate part of his body, his chest.

I swear I was never aroused, rather, i wanted to have some form of physical intimacy with a man. so i tapped on his chest with my fingers, kind of like how you would tap someone from the back to get them to notice you. I didn't rub or grope or grab, but just tapped.

I was relieved as once again, he was not afraid or frightened or terrified.

However, after the incident, i started going online. And i went to different websites showing that touching a man's chest was extremely inappropriate and is sexual assault...

Since then, i feel that out of shame i labelled the part about touching his chest as a false memory.
And i was so sure that it was a false memory.

but very recently, about yesterday, i remembered things after the incident that made me realize it was perhaps real after all.

I felt horrible about the incident and have apologized to my friend multiple times but i honestly wish touching his chest was a false memory..

i don't know what to do...

-- Wed Oct 03, 2018 4:31 am --

Do you think I should go to jail for this?
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Re: i did something horrible last year...

Postby sprock » Tue Oct 02, 2018 11:10 pm

You already know my feelings about this from PM :)
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Re: i did something horrible last year...

Postby Snaga » Wed Oct 03, 2018 12:42 am

I've never heard of touching a man's chest being considered sexual assault, certainly not in a friendly fashion such as that. If he didn't take offense, let it go! No, I don't think you should go to jail. I think you've blown this way out of proportion.
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