Is This Abuse?

When I was seven, I found out about sex because my friend showed me pornography that she found on her dad's computer. I was very intrigued by it, and afterward I frequently encouraged my brother (almost 2 years younger) to play "house" with me, which included sex. We didn't actually have sex, but I told him about it and wanted him to act it out with me. We also played games like "doctor" or "party" where we basically got naked and messed around. I never forced him into anything, but I was always the instigator. Looking back I feel so gross and ashamed, especially because he was never as enthusiastic about the game as I was. I wasn't doing it out of lust or anything, I was simply curious, but now I feel like I may have been sexually abusive to my own brother and it really bothers me. We're in our late teens now and it hasn't come up since we were kids. The last time I mentioned it was probably six years ago. All we did was look at each other uncomfortably and say "yeah, that was weird."
Anyway I hope I didn't do something psychologically harmful to him. I was young myself, but he was younger, and I just feel weird thinking about it.

Hello Ella35,

I was in a similar situation to you in my childhood, except I was older (12ish) and my friend was 4.5 years younger. I certainly don't think what happened with you and your brother was abuse of any sort. It is extremely common for children to 'play doctor', even with siblings. You said nothing was forced, and you clearly didn't mean any of it to be malicious. I hope you can forgive yourself and move on with your life.

Best of luck.

No, it is not. You only were two kids playing around. There is nothing wrong with that. And it is very common, also.

I absolutely agree with the above. This was experimentation from curiosity, not manipulation or abuse. You were within 5 years of each other so medical science wouldn't classify it was 'child abuse' and it can't be classified as 'peer abuse' as there wasn't coercion or force or emotional manipulation. You were a little child and you should not feel gross about the strange notions that children have - they're developing and often just plain odd! It was in the boundaries of what is normal and not something to be consumed by guilt over.