Feeling remorseful over career choice

Hello,

Sorry for keeping you all waiting. The site keeps logging me out when I submit my post, forcing me to re-type it. I’m typing it in my wordprocessor now, so it shouldn’t get lost again.


Anyway, Let me start by saying that I’m currently a senior in college who is double majoring in computer engineering and math. However, as I’ve become more involved in my engineering major I’ve grown from loving it to hating it. Let me be clear that I’m not here to complain about grades, professors, etc. I’m among the top students in my class and I’ve never had any personal problems with professors (although I must admit many of them are awful teachers, but that’s just the nature of college).

What I’m here to talk (vent) about is more so the career path I’ve chosen with this major and how I feel guilty and remorseful for choosing it. Basically, I chose the major for three reasons: I was genuinely interested in engineering (money was, and still is, an afterthought), I am good with computers and electronics and I was interested in making them, and I used to love technology (now most of it makes me want to hurl).

Let me begin by illustrating a series of events that brought be to this mindset (in no particular order as I cannot remember the order of events).

About a year ago, I had received one of those chain emails that people tend to spam their friends and family with from time to time. However, I actually took this one to heart. Inside it there was a quote attributed to Albert Einstein; “I fear the day when technology will surpass our humanity. The world will then be populated by a generation of idiots.” The email also contained a bunch of photos of people interacting with their phones in places where you wouldn’t expect. For instance A beautiful day at the beach, Having a good time at the restaurant, and On a date with his girlfriend just to name a few. That email rmade me think. I said to myself “What good do these devices serve nowadays other than to distract us; they’re good at doing everything except what they’re made to do, call people?
I want to say I saw this commercial during the Super Bowl a couple years ago. But it further helped me to wake up. Although I’d never buy a Chrysler, I had to admit that the commercial was most definitely right. I began to realize that people nowadays explore the internet, not the world around them. It consumes their lives so much that they think they have no time to enjoy life. In reality, it’s just the opposite.
I had heard this song on the radio one day and it really hit the nail on the head. The line “On the altar of technology we sacrifice our souls” really summarized exactly what’s going on in society right now in one nice, compact phrase. And the rest of the song illustrates the many things we’re missing out on by doing so. I cry every time I listen to it.
I read a book called Hamlet’s Blackberry several years ago when I began to confront my internet addiction. It was a good book in that it really gave me insight into the mindset of people throughout the ages when new revolutionary technology was introduced and how it was dealt with.

As a result of these events and others, I decided to permanently delete my Facebook (yes, you can permanently delete it here for those who are curious) last January and I haven’t looked back since. I’m in the process of migrating back to my “dumb” phone as soon as I figure out how to easily transfer my contacts to it. Ideally I’d love to get rid of my cell phone all together, but I think I’d give some people a heart attack if I wasn’t available on call 24/7 at any corner of the world. I shouldn’t be expected to own a cell phone, but I’ve got to take baby steps I suppose.

Now, back to the subject. As a computer engineering major, I’m smack dab in the middle of all this technology. I used to love it, but now I’ve woken up to what it’s doing to people and I hate it. I realize that some of this technology has its place, but so many people are addicted to it like crack. I view modern technology as a tool; it means about as much to me as a hammer or a screw driver. But to others its a way of life now and I can’t help but feel guilty by association for that. I feel similar to Alfred Nobel when he saw his invention, dynamite, being used for malice rather than good. I’ve still got the math major, which I still enjoy very much, but that’ll involve sitting in front of a computer all day too once it becomes a job.

People today are a bunch of YouTube addicted, Instagram-loving, Snapchat adoring, selfie-taking, oblivious, inconsiderate, TwitFaces who can’t think for themselves without Google in their back pocket. It’s disgusting! I’m absolutely sick and tired of seeing kids texting at the dinner table, playing video games in class, and taking selfies in the bathroom. What have we become as a society? And people are willing to just give up their privacy so easily on the web as though its disposable! As a computer engineer, I feel powerless, I feel like I can only contribute to it.

This past summer I had the displeasure of interning with a fortune 500 company as a software engineering intern. Given the nature of the company, I was hoping I would be closer to the hardware (since computer engineers are trained in both electrical engineering and computer science). That wasn’t exactly the case, I was essentially stuck in front of a computer all day while I could have been enjoying a beautiful summer. Of course had I been closer to the hardware I’d be doing the same thing; just the nature of my work at the computer would have changed slightly. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy. Not only was I not happy, but given the opinions I’ve developed over the past couple of years or so, I started to loathe the job after the first week. Obviously I opted not to return this coming summer (despite being offered a return position with a pay increase).

Now the thing is, I feel as though there’s so little out there for me. The only things I think I’d feel comfortable (but not happy) engineering software for are things that are actually useful and beneficial to society. Things such as airbag deployment systems or other automotive safety features are among these. Obviously I don’t want anything to do with this infotainment touch screen garbage. Hell, I refuse to drive a car with anything more than a radio for entertainment and I refuse to buy a new car with all these government mandated black boxes being put into the new cars (again, people giving up their privacy). Obviously I don’t want to deal with the internet or “smart” phones at all, but that’s where the industry is heading. Another option is defense, but as a Libertarian, I’m completely against the military industrial complex and I don’t want anything to do with it.

By this point, I think you get the point. I’m not exactly thrilled to be stuck behind a computer all day myself. But I hate the fact that I’d be potentially enslaving other people in this technological mess when I should be doing the opposite. The thing is, high schools, colleges, parents, and society tells us that “You have to go to college to be successful.” However, in my ind, that translates to “You have to go to college to get a stressful white collar job where you’ll sit in front of a computer all day and get fat and work for the better part of you life and MAYBE one day retire when you’re too old to do anything fun anymore anyway.” I’ve had numerous jobs before I took the internship mentioned above and my favorite, by far, was when I worked as a water safety instructor. There’s nothing quite like teaching a kid a new skill, helping him or her overcome any fears of the water, and then watching them smile when they’ve mastered the skill. Of course I gave that up because society expects me to “grow-up” career-wise so I can pay the bills and buy more useless stuff.

Through all of these experiences I’ve been developing a desire to wean people out of this desire and make that my life’s passion instead. As a Catholic and beer enthusiast, I recently read about a Trappist monastery in Massachusetts which will soon be marketing the first American Trappist beer. I looked into the monastery a little more and saw that they offer retreats. While taking a tour of the brewery and tasting the beer is incentive enough for me, I’ve been thinking about taking a retreat for several days there to just think, free from any of this electronic noise. Just give me some well needed quiet time with God to contemplate what his purpose for me is here on Earth because I don’t think computer engineering is it.


If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! I hope you didn’t ind reading my venting too much and I’d appreciate your feedback.

My philosophy on life, as of right now is this: My social network consists of my friends, my family, and people I interact with on a regular basis. Mother Nature is my game console; my neighborhood is my homepage; unconditional love is my firewall; and the Earth is my search engine.