I feel empty..

Recently I got together with my childhood 'sweetheart'. It's ended terribly..

It was all my fault, saying horrible things that were way over the top, out of anger and frustration. There's nothing I can do to fix it.

The story is longer than that and pretty terrible in it's fullest, but what I'm feeling is what I have to deal with now..

I feel like I've ruined my chance with the best girl I'll ever meet. So funny, smart, a great mum to her daughter, incredibly beautiful. She's the complete 'package' and combined with all the memories of our younger days that I've ruined, it's all so difficult to deal with. I've convinced myself that nobody in this world is like her and if there was, I wouldn't get half a chance to build any kind of friendship with them.

I feel like what I've done here has impacted the rest of my life (the memories will always be here no matter what I do) and I'll never be able to find happiness again. What can I do to deal with this? I'm completely stuck in my mind set, I can't think of anything but her. This has ruined everything.

ibrokemyownheart wrote:It was all my fault, saying horrible things that were way over the top, out of anger and frustration. There's nothing I can do to fix it.

Depression does this to you. You can't see any future, and you keep seeing only shadows of the past. Not even the real past.

I've convinced myself that nobody in this world is like her

You're right, you have convinced yourself of it. You can undo it if you manage to believe it (this can be tricky sometimes — forcing yourself into it is generally not the best idea; sometimes you need help). It's not the past that you need to undo. It's your feelings.