I feel terrible..

I'm 24, I've never held a job for more than 4-5months at a time, my level of education is very low, I often fall out with family members, I have no friends, I have no job, I'm in debt which I haven't even looked at the amount of in approx. two years, I don't go out other than to the shop and come home, where I pay nothing in to the house of my father.

I feel like a failure.

Recently I was working, I was enjoying myself in life for the first time in 6years or so (went through a prolonged period of drug abuse), I had a couple of friends who invited me to parties and activities and had rekindled my relationship with my first love. Everything was looking up. Not anymore.

I pushed away my few friends (the main guy who had helped me start turning my life around, getting out doing things with him and his friends) to spend time with my 'new-old girlfriend'. This is where things started going horribly wrong. Her and I spent a lot of time together very quickly, began arguing, fell out on and off every few days, my work was suffering, I was doing nothing but concentrating on my friendship with her. We had a horrible fall out.. Ended up with ridiculous death threats in the argument, over text message.. We tried to fix it up over the next few days and it got worse..

I quit my job, I wrote her letters, tried to go to her house, messaged her facebook, I've been so messed up over this. It's just getting worse. There have been thousands of facebook messages, I've spoken to people I don't know about her, spoken to friends of ours when we were younger, made a complete idiot of myself. The police were called, I had to sign papers to say I wouldn't go near her again. I still continued to message her on facebook and email, I went to her house again and after all this time (3mnths/or so) she stood and talked to me, explaining she's been living in fear of what I might do to her or her child.. schools have been informed, all her family and friends, her university all know she's being stalked. Everything has gone completely wrong.. I've become completely obsessed with this. I feel like she's the only girl in the world that would ever mean anything like the same as she does and she's looking over her shoulder constantly worried about what I might do!!

I'm gutted that me and her aren't friends any longer, but it's killing me inside realising that I'm no less than stalking her and that she's worried for her safety. I'm so ashamed of myself.

I've wrecked everything. I'm worth nothing. I've scared her in her own home. I feel like scum. I don't know how I can ever forgive myself for what I've done to her, how can she ever be comfortable again, she's always going to be worried that I'll be waiting for her somewhere, turning up at her house. I'm the worst person in the world. I can't believe I've done this to someone, especially someone I loved so much when I was young and obviously still care a whole deal for now. How can I forgive myself? I'm so confused. I feel like the only way she would feel safe again is if I took my life so she knows I could never possibly come near her again. This is so messed up. She lives just two roads away from me and she's scared of me. What do I do?!!!

I've promised her that I won't contact or visit her again, but is that really enough to ease her mind?

My life is a complete mess, I have nothing and I'm completely obsessed with this girl. I've began taking anti-depressants which apparently will help with the ruminating. I'm arranging more psychological interviews for help with this. Even my own thoughts scare me sometimes. I just hate myself, so frickin much at the moment. How on earth am I supposed to go on knowing what I've done to someone?!

Hello there, I am not sure how many people will respond to this but I wanted to. Mainly because I was stalked by someone who became obsessed with the idea of being with me.

You have been brutally honest which is good, you are
not in denial about what you have done which is a massive step. You need to concentrate in getting yourself in a more stable place and focus on feeling happier. Your 'ex' girlfriend clearly needs space and I would suggest coming off FB and dropping ALL contact. If you feel that strongly for her, let her heal.

Only you have control of your destiny, that is liberating in many ways and you do have the power to turns things around x