Controlling parents - want to move out!

Hi, I'm new, if this is placed in the wrong section then please move it to the right one.

I am in my early 20s and live with my parents who are controlling. They don't let me go anywhere and get mad the few times I do. They don't seem to understand the concept of 'fun' and are more overly concern with 'saving money'. As a result I have very little to no friends in my area. They never do anything, always in the house and they drag me into their own misery they created.

Whenever they talk to me it's always negative. For example they would complain why I don't wear slippers, that I need to be more talkative, that I am stupid and a complete bum since all I do is go on the computer (but all they do is watch tv) etc. No matter what I do they will complain. I'm extremely sensitive and these words gets to me.

They want me to have no job more than for me to do a crap job, they make it a huge deal and go berserk at me for not finding a decent job (it's hard with this economy, with my lack of experience, self-esteem... Plus most of my college friends do 'crap jobs').

Every time I try to talk sense into them, nothing will change, instead it just aggravates them, they are completely stubborn and deluded in their own ignorance. I have given up on talking to them. I am a very tolerant person and have put up with their $#%^ way too much now that I have lost my self-esteem.

I envy everyone's families and I often feel very alone in mine. I was very happy when I moved away for college and had for the first time a 'normal' life and I didn't have to deal with my parents. But now thats changed. I know the only solution is to move out and ignore their comments, but it's hard to stay motivated to find a job and move out when they are constantly bringing me down.

What advice do you have for me? I feel like a repressed prisoner in my own house. What can I do to make this more bearable? What can I do to move out?

Thanks for reading. Sorry if this sound very angst-like.

This situation sounds awful, and as an adult, your parents don't have the right to control where you go or what you do.

I understand that for economical reasons, you might not be able to move out immediately, but if you can make this your goal, and perhaps save money, and put all your efforts into finding a job that will enable you to be financially dependant, you will at least have something to aim towards.

In the meantime, do you have any friends or relatives who you could stay with, bearing in mind that they would be doing you a huge favour, and that of course you would have to pay your way. This could only be a temporary solution, because your ultimate aim needs to be towards finding independance. Perhaps you could look into the possibility of a flat or house share, as this would reduce your costs?

Have you parents always been this way? Can you communicate with them? Talking things through with a counsellor can help you to make some sense of the family dynamics that are happening here, and help you to rediscover your self esteem.

Thank you for your response.

My ultimate goal is to move out and has been for years. I have saved up enough but I am unable to rent a place without proof of a job first (so I need to find a job in the city I wish to move to). Which seems more difficult than I thought. It saddens me that the economy has held me back my sanity.

Unfortunately I am not close to my relatives and my friends do not know of my situation entirely (it's a hard thing to talk about). The few times I do go out is to visit my friends occasionally and it does help ease my loneliness. Yes my parents have always been this way. Communicating to them is like talking to a brick, lol.

I am in my early 20s and live with my parents who are controlling. They don't let me go anywhere and get mad the few times I do. They don't seem to understand the concept of 'fun' and are more overly concern with 'saving money'. As a result I have very little to no friends in my area. They never do anything, always in the house and they drag me into their own misery they created.

If your parents don't LET you go anywhere, and get angry when you do, they are actually abusing you. No one has the right, whether or not they are your parents, to keep another person prisoner and to control their lives to this extent. It's true that if you're living under their roof they have the right to have certain house rules, but these "rules" should not extend to controlling your life, or speaking to you aggressively if you try to assert yourself. You don't say if you're a male or a female, but it might be worth speaking to domestic abuse advisors in your area, who could maybe even arrange for you to stay in one of their refuges and assist in finding you housing. If you are on a low income, you may qualify for help with your rent, and the Domestic Violence services can advise you of any benefits and help you may be entitled to. Although you are an adult, if you speak to Social Services, they may also be able to advise you, if you explain that you're in an abusive situation. I will find links to some agencies in your area and send them to you.

Whenever they talk to me it's always negative. For example they would complain why I don't wear slippers, that I need to be more talkative, that I am stupid and a complete bum since all I do is go on the computer (but all they do is watch tv) etc. No matter what I do they will complain. I'm extremely sensitive and these words gets to me.

If you can aim towards finding your own home, you will have the freedom to do as you please in your leisure time, eg by not wearing slippers and spending as much time on the computer as you choose. Families with adult children living at home often have their moments, and often clash as they would do. Adults can become very territorial with their homes and it sounds as if this could be the case here. However, they don't have the right to call you stupid or a complete bum. They wouldn't talk to anyone else in this way, and the fact that they're your parents doesn't give them the right to speak in this way to you. It's probably best to not rise to the bait, and remain calm, telling them that you find these criticisms hurtful.

My ultimate goal is to move out and has been for years. I have saved up enough but I am unable to rent a place without proof of a job first (so I need to find a job in the city I wish to move to). Which seems more difficult than I thought. It saddens me that the economy has held me back my sanity.

As I said before, Social Services or a Domestic Violence agency might be able to give you some advice, and possibly assistance.

They want me to have no job more than for me to do a crap job, they make it a huge deal and go berserk at me for not finding a decent job (it's hard with this economy, with my lack of experience, self-esteem... Plus most of my college friends do 'crap jobs').

Every time I try to talk sense into them, nothing will change, instead it just aggravates them, they are completely stubborn and deluded in their own ignorance. I have given up on talking to them. I am a very tolerant person and have put up with their $#%^ way too much now that I have lost my self-esteem.[/quote]

Please try to go for counselling to rebuild your self esteem. Your doctor might be able to find you a counsellor, or your college may be able to help. Unfortunately, you may have to initially lower your standards with regard to finding a job, making it your aim to find a better one in the future. At least then you would have a foot in the ladder, and the act of looking for work and applying for jobs might actually help your sense of self esteem and help you to find a sense of independence.

Unfortunately I am not close to my relatives and my friends do not know of my situation entirely (it's a hard thing to talk about). The few times I do go out is to visit my friends occasionally and it does help ease my loneliness. Yes my parents have always been this way. Communicating to them is like talking to a brick, lol.

Please try to confide in your friends. You will feel less burdened if you do. They can then offer you support.