by Jerril » Fri Aug 17, 2012 8:16 pm
Well, the deal is this: either your sexual past will be a deal breaker or it won't be, Nattykr.
You can ask for as many opinions as you want, but it all boils down to a case-by-case basis of whether or not a man will be comfortable with your sexual history.
You can waste a lot of time worrying about some unknown outcome. You might focus a little on how to present all this. Maybe you could spend a year or two being celibate. That would likely help your "sexual resume" out. That way, you get to say, "Well, yeah, I used to have on average 3 or 4 sexual partners a year, but I realized it wasn't very fulfilling, and I haven't been with anyone for over a year now, because I'm looking for something deeper."
Or, maybe you can be "in the market" but not sleep with folks, and just keep telling them, "I'm not looking to just jump into the sack with anyone. I desire a soul mate and want to get time to know someone before committing." That way, you can go slowly, get to know someone, and then sleep with them after at four or five months of dating so you can develop a friendship first.
If I was dating someone who'd been promiscuous in the past, but I had proof that she was wanting to settle down, in the form of her taking her time just dating and getting to know me, if I could see that she was trustworthy and honest, her past wouldn't matter as much.
See, for me, sleeping with someone opens a whole "pandora's box" of emotions and caring. And, if it's just casual, it leaves me feeling empty afterwards. So, I'm not sure you can just date anyone with intentions of possibly settling down and committing to a long term, trusting, caring partnership, but then go ahead and sleep with them in a hurry, and be able to leave the situation without some residue of break up.
I've watched people I'm close to go through all kinds of heartbreak and remorse because they always rushed into relationships, didn't just slow down and get to know anyone, develop intimacy, trust and a caring bond before sleeping with them. They were thinking with their genitals more than their heads. Some people are lovesick and/or heartbroken 2 or 3 times a year, or more! It's a waste of energy, if you ask me.
First of all, it is probably best, Nattykr, for you to spend some time with you, developing your life in ways that are fulfilling and committed, in whatever job, hobby or whatever gets your juices flowing. That way, you're then much stronger to find a strong person to be with. Then you get to be two wholes coming together rather than two halves making a whole.