won't use my name

I have been involved with a 34 year old man for over a year , but he seems unable to call me by my Christian name . In emails or in print he does . He is very reserved and previous women have called him " cold and distant " . I dont know them to ask if he used their first names or not .

Is this a problem , and if it is , as I suspect , how can I broach the subject . He also displays most of the characteristics of a Paranoid Personality disorder .

That does seem kind of odd. Although I notice I rarely use my husband's given name when talking to him...I usually call him "honey" or something like that. Why not just ask him sometime? Say, "you know, I have noticed this for awhile and I wondered if you were aware that you never call me by my name?" It may be he just calls you pet names instead and doesn't really think about it.

Well, he's 34, how old are you?
If other women refer to his as cold and distant he most likely is. Take a long look at his behavior. Try and be objectional about it. In other words, don't make excuses for what you've seen of his cold and distant behavior yourself. Make a journal if you need to.
I personally don't mind "pet" names either. If I'm sure I'm getting the respect due me in other areas. You've not been with him very long (sorry a little more than a year is not long to me), it might just be a thing where he feels safer saying a pet name in case he call's you by someone else's name. Yes those things to happen and he might have had that happen to him before LOL! I've done it myself. I called a boyfriend by my ex-hubby's name when we were arguing. We'd only been seeing each other a short time (about 6-8 months) so my brain was still keyed into arguing with someone else. Other strong emotions will cause the same effect. I was called another girls name in bed once. Because I understand how this can and does happen, It did not anger me half as much as it embarassed him LOL!
For whatever reason he does it, if it don't bother you, don't stress it. I have a feeling it does bother you or you'd not have posted.
If it does bother you, ask him politely if he would not mind using your given name. Then go from there.

Anna,
I'm involved in a relationship with a man that I believe to have Avoidant Personality Disorder. In almost a year and a half I can count on one hand the amount of times he's used my name. (Like to introduce me to his coworkers or to shout at me in a crowded room...) Other than that he's called me either "baby" or "chief" probably equally as much as he's said my name. At first it really bothered me. I still don't understand why he can't call me by name but "knowing" there's a reason (AvPD) helps me at least feel better. Have you checked out the info on AvPD?
Good luck...

Clueless wrote:Anna,
I'm involved in a relationship with a man that I believe to have Avoidant Personality Disorder. In almost a year and a half I can count on one hand the amount of times he's used my name. (Like to introduce me to his coworkers or to shout at me in a crowded room...) Other than that he's called me either "baby" or "chief" probably equally as much as he's said my name. At first it really bothered me. I still don't understand why he can't call me by name but "knowing" there's a reason (AvPD) helps me at least feel better. Have you checked out the info on AvPD?
Good luck...

I woulld like to point out (as I have on this forum before) please leave all diagnosing of physical or psychological conditions to qualified individuals. Just because you read-up on something, in no way makes you qualified. Living with someone who's been diagnosed with the the condition by someone qualified only gives you better insite. You're still are not qualified to diagnose.

Remember too,
sometimes an asshole is just an asshole,
no psychological condition is required!

He's actually been diagnosed with severe Social Anxiety.

And it is my BELIEF, which is what I said. Sometimes it's easier for people to have concrete reasons for why someone does something--or at least for someone to BELIEVE they have a concrete reason.

Would it make a difference had I said he had been diagnosed with AvPD??
I guess I thought it might help Anna to know that someone was in a related situation.

My advice remains the same.

Or maybe, then, Anna he has traits of Social Anxiety. But I'm no psychiatrist. That's just my uneducated and untrained suggestion.

Witchygurl,

I don't think that clueless deserves your harsh judgment. She did not claim any professional expertise and was clearly doing nothing more than relating a similar personal experience to Anna's and suggesting a possible answer to the thread's query. We have all done this, and such a reproach is unnecessary.

That said, I agree that sometimes an asshole is simply that.

My boyfriend is an Aspie, we've been together a year, and I don't think he has EVER called me by my name. I understand that for Aspies it would just be obvious and redundant --- he and I both know my name, why does he need to say it?? When he sends me something in the mail, I'm sometimes surprised that he actually knows my name.

It's well established that people like hearing the sound of their own name. But some people with social dysfunctions don't seem to get that.