Young woman, older man - moving in with me

I'm 55 M, divorced, heavily involved with a 18 y/o young lady about 1200 miles away. We exchange hundreds of texts each day. Her parents have no interest in her and she has no friends that I know of. She complains that they buy her things but pay no attention to her. She is attractive and wants to become a model. She tells me she was home schooled and is trying to get her GED.

She wants to move in with me in order to pursue her modeling career. I have spoken to her mother a few times and while she is concerned, she is now ok with it. I have a spare bedroom, but overall the place is very small. We (the girl and I) have talked and she probably will wind up being in my room with me eventually. She tells me she is a virgin and really wants to stay that way until she gets married though, so don't try anything.

This girl tells me that I am the father she wishes she had. She loves that I talk to her and listen to her. We have spoken a few times on the phone too. She says her father is not good to her and she really wants to leave her family for me. Recently he took her for a drive out into the middle of nowhere and she was scared. She tells me he hit her once with a chair but her brother intervened.

In her latest communications she calls me "Daddy" and is much more happy. She constantly asks me when I will be getting her the plane ticket so she can leave. She wants to buy a puppy once she gets here.

I asked her how she's going to get to the airport and she told me her Dad said he'd drive her.

She has told me she has no interest in ever going back to her hometown once she moves in with me.

She is very, very excited about being with me. She asks me very day if I got the ticket yet. Her family seems ok with her coming here. I have something out of town scheduled in July but I told her after that she could come.

Comments?

I smell trouble. Too much room for confusing roles. Too much excitement — bound to turn into intense frustration. There needs to be some realism. Ponder about her motivations and your own motivations to wish for this relationship. Think of it this way: what do you guys expect out of it? Is it the same thing? Are you prepared for a roller-coaster, at this point in your life?

Best of luck.

^^^^^^

I agree with what ana said.

This is bound to blow up in your face in an epic way. To be honest I think she has serious daddy issues potentially and is using you as a surrogate to replace her father as is typical with many young women who seek out older men and have little family attention especially from their fathers.

There is definitely going to be drama and probably sooner rather than later.

Be honest, you are interested in here because of purely physical reasons and given her age and appearance, you get to feel young and studly while she gets to fulfill some screwed up daddy complex.

DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER! ABORT MISSION! REPEAT ABORT MISSION!

P.S. Why are you chasing 18 year olds at your age? I'm half your age pretty much literally and wouldn't dream of bothering with some 18 year old. Too much immaturity and anyone who says otherwise is blinded. I hate when people claim X person is Y amount more mature than their age resulting in Z. It never turns out to be true.

Step....away....from....the.....18yr-old.....


Listen to everyone who tells you this. You will be grateful later, or more preicsely, you will be very sorry if you don't. Time to trust your experience and intellect. Tell your d!ck to shut up.

There are a ton of very attractive, available women that would include a tiny fraction of the risk of this one, and some real possibility of a potential benefit to you. To be frank, I see 40-somethings every day that turn heads. Much better for you, my friend.

I understand what everyone is saying. This young woman, however is having a really tough time and I really want to help. Her Mom just moved out from her Dad to an apartment she apparently had out of state. She is not coming back. This young lady's Dad is not good to her. Maybe even abusive. Her has thrown a chair at her and tells her she will never amount to anything. She has been home schooled her whole life and seems to have very few, if any, friends. She texts me close to 100x a day and calls me on weekends to talk.

She really wants to work. Not have sex. We won't do that anyway.

I am having a real hard time leaving her alone with this Dad of hers. She is coming here with basically the clothes on her back. Her Mom approves of her coming to live with me. I have spoken to the Mom and she knows all the details.

What is the danger in helping out a person in this situation?

There is nothing wrong with helping her find her feet, but you need to be careful that you don't become embroiled, that she doesn't develop a dependence upon you, and that you have the space and autonomy that you need. You would be doing her a massive favour, and whilst you shouldn't expect her to be indebted to you, she needs to appreciate this, not over step boundaries, and make attempts to be autonomous and independent.

This girl tells me that I am the father she wishes she had. She loves that I talk to her and listen to her. We have spoken a few times on the phone too. She says her father is not good to her and she really wants to leave her family for me. Recently he took her for a drive out into the middle of nowhere and she was scared. She tells me he hit her once with a chair but her brother intervened.

You are not her father, and you can't fix her issues. You are in no way responsible for her. If she does move in with you, she needs to take responsibility for herself, and this might include seeking therapy for the abuse. You have to be aware of the possibility that you might be being used. Forgive me if I seem to be cynical, I'm trying to be realistic. The age gap is huge. When you are sixty she will be twenty three. When you are seventy, you will be an old man and she will be thirty three, and still in her prime. She will remain young for a long time. When you are eighty, she will still only be forty three. Can you imagine that this will be for the long term? If you want to have a relationship with her, there may come a time when she wants to have children. This may not happen for another ten or even twenty years. Can you imagine being a father at sixty five or even seventy five? Please be aware that the likelihood is that this is not likely to last for much longer than a couple of years, if that. You could be hurt. My advice would be to hold your feelings in check, and not become emotionally involved with her, keeping this strictly as a friendship.

I agree with Masquerade. I like the open minded, yet discerning, reply.

You have to be aware of the possibility that you might be being used.

Based on all given details - i tend to agree... maybe she's not even 18, even if she is - real life situations (similar experiences) rarely end well in similar circumstances... don't mind me saying this but "some lies" are pretty obvious...

- she's suppose to be 18, virgin, wile aiming to become a model - and even added that "she doesn't want to have sex until she's married..."

This girl seems to be looking for "a sponsor" - might even intend to robe you or scam you - the thing you should be most careful... furthermore - sharing the same room with "a very attractive young girl" - i assume you don't have sexual problems (like impotency) and "one thing could led to another"... how does "rape sound to you"? Right now - i believe that this didn't even cross your mind - but she will be provocative and even if you manage to control yourself... emotionally you will suffer - especially when she finds another guy after you helped her with money and so on... which again - inclines towards an unhappy outcome, maybe even dangerous one...

This young lady's Dad is not good to her. Maybe even abusive. Her has thrown a chair at her and tells her she will never amount to anything

- you're being unrealistic - you don't really know what's happening in her house - and even "the chair part" is not really abnormal - since even in a normal family - with normal parents a teenager can "act like a bitch" and drive her parents mad... so things like that can happen (she's clearly "not an angel")...

- on the other hand - if you knew this girl (from neighborhood) and you knew that she was hospitalized couple of times or was taken to emergency cause of her father's abusive behavior and you arranged with her mom to help her - "renting her a room in a apartment" ... then yes - that would be a kind act... but you're willing to take her with you - at your place, a small place... wile you "meet this girl online" - well... you're asking for trouble... this girl messed with your mind with all those messages she's sending you... but she's dangerous and so are you - for accepting this...

You'll probably do it any way - since - she got in to your head... but careful - this is a huge mistake, at your age you can't be friend with 18 year old that you met online... you've been warned by others and i don't expect you to listen this advices but "at least" don't be surprised by the outcome and don't endanger yours or her life - when things go bad... cause they will - it's just a matter of time... i know even billionaires who couldn't handle an attractive 18 year old - you asked for trouble... so "don't act surprised when things go wrong".

It certainly sounds to me like she is conning you. You really should look after yourself in this situation, and everything in your description sounds like you are being scammed. I have known people that have gotten scammed by exactly these sorts of "sob stories" and when they try to help, they just end up getting hurt and used. I doubt any of her story is real.