The ending of relationships

I'm so terribly sad today.

I let some people in to my heart that I should have never allowed a look into my heart. I have so much anger at myself for allowing myself to be duped. I should have known. All of the red flags were there. When a person can not and has never sustained a relationship for more than a year in their entire life, then that speaks volumes. When they have a hard time dealing with their friends having other friends, or if they have more than one friend they try to keep them separate or pit them against each other, that is also a red flag. This person did all of these things. This was someone that was someone that I met because of my husband. Yet another thing to blame on him and hate him for.

It just hurts to let someone in and them just hurt you. Some people really don't know how to have friends.

Hun, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It can really hurt when a person has been taken in by someone, and given them their friendship and trust, only to have it all thrown back in their face.

You need to give yourself time to process all the emotions that you're feeling right now. Anger can really hurt when it has no direction to go in, and it sounds like you're feeling very angry now. This is a normal response to a hurtful situation, and in time it will pass as you begin to adjust to the situation. After the end of any relationship or friendship, a person goes through certain stages of grief, and these are normal stages, and essential for healing.

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The problems arise when a person finds themselves stuck in any one of the stages and finds it difficult to move on. Therapy can be very helpful in these circumstances. It is common for a situation to remind a person of a former situation, and they may even find that they relive these emotions if they were not dealt with at the time. Again, therapy can be a great help.

You need to remember that you did nothing to deserve this, and that there was nothing you could have done to change the situation. You speak about the hurt that your husband has caused you. I wonder if this current situation is compounding this hurt, and if there are issues there that may need to be dealt with?

Masquerade,

Thank you for reading and making a response. i know my post must have seemed a bit loathsome. I have just been a bit hurt by all of the fall out from the actions of some of the people who were in my life and the fact that I'm now pretty much rebuilding my life from scratch.

It seems that i had a few things sort of converging on one another at the same time. There seemed to be a common denominator of the slimy man whom had been such a hurtful person. I was just not expecting for someone who professed to be my friend and someone who claimed that they would be there for me always would be one to cause so much more pain.

It seems that this person was never really concerned to me in the first place. It seems that she just liked to sort of feel a bit of power. She would get me to open up about things going on in my marriage only to rat fink me out to him so that I could pay the price. She would pit me and her other friend against each other in order to keep us from talking to each other or when we did it was just a battle. She would complain to me about the other friend and when I would agree or add anything, she would return to that person to tell that I was talking about her. All the while doing the same with the other friend.

What she did with my husband and I was just a bit too much. She always said that she was trying to keep me safe and that she wanted me not to be hurt, yet she set me up for these things.

All of this has just become a big glob of undecernable hurt that is hard to sort out and know whom to blame for what. I blame myself a lot for being stupid enough to be duped in such a way and continuing to come back for more.

Sounds like you overwhelmed right now with feelings of betrayal. Putting trust in anyone, only to have them betray that trust can be one of the most painful things related to relationships that a person has to go through. It can seem preposterous that a person could be capable of acting in ways that would not even occur to us, and that would go against our own set of morals. These feelings can be likened to a kick in the stomach, and leave a person feeling winded for quite some time. Sometimes a person will relive these events over and over again in their heads, trying to find reasons and to make sense of it all, wondering WHY the other person betrayed them, what their motives or reasons where, and very often they can come up with no answers. The sense of injustice and unfairness that ensues can be overwhelming. Sometimes the person can't stop ruminating, and feel frustrated that they have no answers, and more importantly, no closure. Sound familiar?

You gave this person a privileged gift - your trust. You did not expect to have that gift thrown back in your face, discarded like worthless piece of paper. It's little wonder that you are feeling so hurt and angry right now. This person even had the audacity to interfere in your marriage, and this is really low. It can be frustrating to feel so much anger and for the anger not to have a direction. It would help if you could have someone to vent to, to hear your anger, and to see your point of view from your perspective. A therapist could help you simply by hearing you, and from being empathic towards you, acknowledging that what happened to you was unjust, undeserved and unfair.

It can be scary to rebuild your life from scratch. I also had to do this after I left an abusive relationship. You know what I did? I channelled ALL of my anger into rebuilding a life that was satisfying, in which I had freedom and autonomy, in which I had a blank new canvas to paint any colour I choose. This was probably the best and most productive time in my life, apart from the time when I had therapy - the therapy came after the reinvention, some years later when I began to understand that the events in my past had impacted upon the present. Yes, I went on to make mistakes, and to have disappointments, but they were MY mistakes, and not caused by the hurtful behaviour of others. I vowed to turn around all the hurt, all the anger, and to channel it into CREATING A NEW LIFE FOR MYSELF. You can also do this. You now have the power to be empowered, if that makes any sense. Finding a direction for your anger in this way can be productive and healthy. They say the best revenge is to get on with your life. You can shape your future life any way you choose.

I wish you all the best.

Masqerade,

Thank you again. You seem to be really wise from what you have been through. I hope I can come to a point of acceptance one day.

I know on some level that it was not her fault for the things that he did. It is just that she had all of the right words of concern and everything. Sometimes when the blaming myself becomes tiring or the abusing myself and the trying to make it make sense, I just think of everyone who were around and wonder if they might have had something to do with it as well. I end up making a list of the wrongs and such. I think of all of the problems and things I endured because I wanted to be a good friend and not leave this person.

I have been talking to the minister at church (christian therapist) about everything. I think he helps a little. I don't tell him everything obviously. Some things you just don't discuss with your minister.

I have wanted to find a group for some of the other things that I have been battling so that I don't feel so alone in all of this.

I think you are on the right track.