What is wrong with her?

And how do I best deal with it?

I feel like every time I talk with my mother I do more damage than good.

Because people can not talk to her.

It is not just me that thinks this, but my father, my brother, and all of her work colleagues.

She has no friends.

The problem is that everything is an argument, a chance for confrontation and drama.

She is almost always screaming, and was recently suspended from her job for yelling at another work colleague.

How she reacted to her being suspended was how she always acts - despite several witnesses she is adamant that she did not scream, and that she is the victim, and that everyone is wrong except for her.

She screams at me several times a day, I usually ignore it and just remain calm. Usually this makes her angrier, but sometimes she just stops. She will scream about anything and everything. It is not yelling, but full on screaming.

Sometimes I ask her why she is screaming. She always replies that she is not screaming, that I am in fact the one screaming. I ask her if she can hear her self, and she is always convinced that she did not scream (she says this whilst screaming, angry, staring at you without blinking and being mildly hysterical).

She often does this with my dad, she will want to pick a fight, so she will ask him why he is angry, and she starts screaming, and will continue to do this until he raises his voice, at which point she tells him to stop screaming on her.

It's impossible to win.

She is ALWAYS the victim.

She believes she is ALWAYS being trodden on, always being disrespected always under other people feet.

She believes that she is a saint that always does everything for everyone but is abused in return.

Yet she is fearless and will always just stare you down without blinking until you finally look away. At which point she will get angry as to why you are ignoring her.

The sad reality is that although she does love a lot, and she is a good person, she is also extremely abusive.

If you so much as question her she will start to hit herself in the face. Sometimes she throws things. Smashes things. Sometimes she threatens to throw herself out of moving cars or off balconies.

She is also addicted to drama and misery. Everything time something bad happens to her she almost enjoys it. She half smiles, and she will tell EVERYONE about it. She loves the attention so so much.

She is also extremely controlling, she wants everyone to act a certain way all the time, almost to the point of being able to read her mind. When people do not act how she wants them to she gets hysterical.

She is also very attached to me, to the point that when I want to go out with friends she gets extremely jealous, she feels left out and used. Tonight I am home because she told me "If you go out that door..." repeatedly in this threatening manner.

If I go out that door she might try to kill herself is what she means.

She never does, but she always emotionally blackmails me with this prospect.

She does it because she knows how much it hurts me and how seriously I take it, so she knows I will submit.

She often puts words into my mouth, when I say something she will often scream "Tell me what you really mean! Don't lie to me! What you mean is...." and then she constructs something more dramatic and worth fighting over, even if I've just asked her something as benign as if she can pass a box of tissues.

She can make drama out of any situation.

She is convinced her life is horrible. She wants it to be horrible.

She does not see the good in anything. She is never calm.

Her default emotion is raging, and full of angry energy. She has so much energy.

When she talks to people she is often to loud, she interrupts a lot, she does not listen at all and wants to be the centre of attention. She often loses her temper in public without realising.

When people are bored, or not listening she doesn't notice, she just keeps raving.

She thinks she is so interesting and that her problems are so interesting to everyone. And if they are not interested they should be!

When she is not given attention (about some sob story she is telling) she usually gets angry.

Anyway - my point is I do not know what is wrong with her.

But more importantly because I do not know what is wrong with her I do not know the best way to deal with it without making it worse.

I'm scared that I may do something that may anger her so much that her threats about killing herself become a reality - all over something trivial.

I would really appreciate any insight or help.

If it some personality disorder I would like to read about it to understand her better and understand better how to live with her drama free. I can't tip toe around her and coddle her and be her emotional punching bag forever, as I am losing myself in the process.

Thank you for your time reading this.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It must be very difficult for you to be in an abusive situation with the very person who is supposed to show you support,unconditional love and concern. Has your mother always been this way, or has she recently developed this type of behaviour? The Board can't diagnose a psychiatric illness or personality disorder, only a professional can do that, but it does sound as if your mother's behaviour has become out of hand, and that she refuses to see that she has a problem.

If your mother has recently begun to act in this way, can you think of anything that may have precipitated this behaviour? Could she be reacting to a stressful event that she has experienced, or could she have some kind of hormonal problem? Her reasons for her behaviour, if it is recent, could be very relevant. It is essential that she sees a doctor in any case.

If your mother has always behaved in this way, then she should also see a doctor or a professional, who may be able to help her. Unfortunately, no one can force her to seek help, unless she becomes a real danger to herself or others. If her behaviour becomes very alarming to the extent where you are worried about her safety, or you are worried that she poses a danger to others, then you may need to call emergency services.

It is also important that you take care of your emotional safety and well being. A therapist can help you with this, and to find a way of coping. Please do not suffer this alone with no support. You don't say how old you are, but if you are a minor, Social Services can help. Their aim is not to separate families, but to work with them and to help them find healing. They would only remove you from your home in very extreme circumstances for your own well being and safety. They may be able to find you supportive resources, and to ensure that your mother gets the help that she so desperately needs. You may be able to get help from them even if you are not a minor.

Please let us know how this situation develops.

We are nor professionals here and I think that a real advice may be given by a specialist... I can imagine how hard it is for you and it is great that you may remain calm in such situations!

Thank you for the advice.

My mother was forced by her employer to go and see a therapist as a condition of her going back to work. And in the past she has also for a brief period of time (less than 6 months) been on anti-depressants.

With the therapist she has done the bare minimum, and with the anti-depressants she simply stopped treatment.

I am not entirely sure what made her decide to ask our GP about anti depressants, but this was over 5 years ago now.

Every time I bring up her seeking help she becomes angry (default emotion) and declares things like "Fine, I'll check myself into a mental hospital!"

She has always been this way, maybe it has become worse recently, or maybe I am just more aware of it.

As she is unwilling to properly get help I think at this stage the best thing for me to do is see a therapist and talk about the situation. Even if it helps no one but me. I never even considered this before, so thank you for the guidance.

I will post how this develops in case this thread is of help to anyone else.

Thanks again.

As she is unwilling to properly get help I think at this stage the best thing for me to do is see a therapist and talk about the situation. Even if it helps no one but me. I never even considered this before, so thank you for the guidance.

I will post how this develops in case this thread is of help to anyone else.

Thanks again.

Seeing a therapist could be one of the best things that you ever did. It would allow you to gain some clarity in the situation, and help you to deal with your emotions and feelings about this situation. Most importantly, it would help you to take on board that none of this is your fault and that you have done everything you can.

One thing you mentioned made me think. If she says that she will check herself into a psychiatric hospital, maybe you could call her bluff and encourage her to do so? This could be a long shot, but it might just have some effect.

Please keep us posted hun,and I wish you all the best.