5 years of Marriage. Says she has feelings for someone else

She told me the other day that she didn't think it was fair that she have feelings for someone else and that she thought she should tell me.

She has apparently had feelings for him the entire time we've been married, and she admitted to marrying me on a rebound.

She had been going out with him for a while before we met. She had a big breakup with him and he ended up getting engaged to someone else. Now he has divorced, and my Wife is entranced by the opportunity this has opened up.

I feel completely awful, and I have no idea what to do. I don't have anyone that I've loved like I love her. Part of me wants to just step aside for her, but then I wouldn't know what to do with myself.


I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this, so I found this forum. I'm hoping I can find some good advice.

You are more concerned about her happiness than yours. This is love. Give yourself credit for that. My two cents: You don't want her with you if she isn't into you and happy. Tell her how much you love her. Tell her everything you feel. Tell her she has to choose and stick with it. Honor her decision. Do not let her string you alone or try to have it both ways. If she chooses to go, do NOT take her back under any circumstances. There are other fish in the sea. Heartbreak hurts like hell and then some, but time makes it better. I would not lower myself to be with someone whom I love, but really wanted someone else, especially if I loved her the way you appear to love her. Life is cruel, and love perhaps the cruelest part of it. This might suck, but let's be realistic, worse has happened to millions and they have survived and even found love again. Just don't let yourself be made a shmuck, please. Time for mental toughness. It might get worse, and stay bad for a while before it gets better, but be a MAN about it.

I have suffered 6 broken hearts in my life, and broken 3. Sh!tty record, huh? There isn't one of those girls that made me want to curl up and die, that I have any trouble seeing any more. I am actually good friends with one of them. Some, I am ashamed to have fallen for. Dont settle. Time is your friend. Everytime my heart gets trashed, I find it makes me a better person. I get mellower, kinder, less egotistical. It reminds me of what matters in life, and makes me far more compassionate toward others. Even in that awful inevitability of life, there is an upside. If you have love to give, dont' settle for less from the one you love, cause it's unfair and wait long enough, and someone will love you back.

Courage.

Leave and give your love to someone who is worthy and appreciative of it. She doesn't love you, or she wouldn't be doing what she's doing now.

You don't think it's possible for her to choose me?

I've grown up being taught that you should make marriage work.

BeenAlone wrote:You don't think it's possible for her to choose me?

She did. Now, after 5 years, she thinks she has a chance to be with the guy she was with before you and is ready to throw it all away. It will no doubt not work out and she will have screwed up your life and hers. Don't let her make a fool of you in the process.

I've grown up being taught that you should make marriage work.

And everybody will have a little house with a white picket fence and a curl of smoke coming out the chimney, a couple of beautiful kids, and live happily ever after. Amen.

That dream didn't come true for me either. I've been married and divorced 3 times.

It sux, bigtime, but that's just not the way it's going to work out for you. It didn't for me either and you've got more time invested in it than I did any of mine. Don't think I don't feel for you, because I do, but things don't always work out like we planned.

It will hurt, it will hurt a lot and for a long time, but you'll survive and one day down the road you'll wake up and it won't hurt quite as bad.

I wish you the best of luck.

I think 5 years is a long time and its just her thinking.If you love her truely just do what you thought that is right for her.