I've fallen for an HPD! I feel stuck, is it too late?

Lost Wrote: do you think she wouldn't get up to shenanigans? if you did everything she wanted, you'd get married and probably have kids, then one day 4 years later after multiple affairs, she'd want a divorce, alimony, and child support. She may attack you with an object and get hurt when you defend yourself, then try to deny you parental rights so she can move across the country. best case scenario is you get a few good years then get treated like the last husband. you're playing a game with this person but she's running a predictable script. nonetheless, if you follow it, you will pay dearly. use your ingenuity to beat the mindless CPU and have fun in the process. Stringing her along is what she wants. The reason she's such an easy victim is that she's a willing one. A relationship with someone who plays with her is the only kind she'll stick with. It's not as if she'd be out finding the man to whom she will be happily married if you weren't occupying her time. she'd be looking for another "exciting" man. Few will share your tender feelings for her and one of them may be a dangerous person. You're keeping her safe.

SuperDuped wrote:I'm not sure I could do this to her, but she is extremely jealous of the most minor things. Case in point: she told me of a hilarious conversation she had with her hairdresser at one of those half day sessions at the Salon. They joked about some porn star that could paint a portrait with of you with his dick, using it as a paintbrush. I said in jest I'd rather have girl paint with a part of her anatomy. She was quite upset about this, and failed to see the irony.

SuperDuped wrote:I have some more reading to do. The huge ups and downs and the switch between idealising/demonising others is there (BPD?). The exaggeration of her achievements, lack of empathy is there too (NPD?). But you are saying HPDs cope differently?

SD

xdude wrote:SuperDuped -

Something I learned about those with HPD the hardway -

Nothing hurts someone with HPD more then others in their lives adopting the same coping strategy. It's a very covert/passive way of lashing out at others who could care about them vs directing their anger at the true source of their hurt, parents. But if you emotionally/physically cheat, flirt, devalue them for others, it hurts those with HPD dramatically. As a coping mechanism it works for two reasons -

1.) Those who do care about them try to protect them for real, which is tested endlessly.

2.) Those who don't care about them enjoy the sexual attention.


Thing is ASPD is a cold/heartless aggressive coping mechanism. At least it becomes clear. Those with HPD live on the fence between BPD and NPD/ASPD ... neither entirely falling apart like those with BPD nor clearly aggressive like those with ASPD (sometimes NPD). But really nothing hurts them more then behaving like someone with HPD. It's exactly why it's disordered too. As a personality type, a coping mechanism, it only works for them so long as others don't adopt the same mindset/strategy.