HOW TO PAINLESSLY BREAKUP WITH MY BOYFRIEND

PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE SITUATION RATIONALLY AND ADVISE WHAT WOULD BE BEST FOR MY BOYFRIEND after reading the whole thing. Have tried to make it as short as possible:

- I was diagnosed with major depression and then bipolar when I ten years old. And there is little chance for me to ever live a happy, apple-pie life.

- I used to also suffer from anorexia but not anymore.

- I met my boyfriend in high school and we have been inseparable since then. He has seen it all- my madness, the mood swings, my promiscuity- and taken things in their stride. He never makes me feel like he's making any sacrifices.

- I'm 21 now and he's 24. I'm going to start pursuing a graduate degree in 2013 and to facilitate that he has planned to moved with me to Cambridge (away from his older sister, who is his only family). He has also given up his dream job and taken up a work-from-home arrangement to smoothen the transition.

- His sister is very mad at me, though she never shows it when he is around. But in case I'm alone with her at her apartment, she says mean things to me about how my boyfriend deserves somebody better than me. She tells me I'm using her brother all the time. Also, she accuses me of "twisting his head up with a pretty face and a good frikkin'." Her reactions are very understandable and I think she is right in many ways.

- He deserves someone complete and healthy. And I feel like I just can't be right person for him. He's proposed to me twice and I have refused saying "We are too young right now."

- I have tried to break up with him before but he says things like "Stop trying to get rid of me" or "You don't really get it.. you're the one doing me a favor by sticking around".

- He is physically stronger than me and whenever I try to fight with him and leave the house, he blocks the door or tries to hold me till I give up.

- I can't imagine life without him but I think I've been really selfish to be with him for over 7 years now.

- I don't want to hurt him but I think breaking up with him is the best way for him to lead a better life and to achieve the best that he deserves.

Please tell me how to go about this as painlessly as possible. Also, I have make sure he doesn't stop me from breaking up with him like always.

Should I involve his sister in trying to breakup with him?

I'm really confused right now. Any help is very welcome. Thanks.

Are you saying you want to break up with him for his sake?
You have been together for 7 years, that's a long time. If you both love each other IMO you should stay together. The sister saying nasty things is just jealous, she would be better off being your friend. He will leave her one day anyway for a girl friend.
Don't leave him because of his sister. You may have problems but he knows that and accepts it. If he says you are the one for him then that's exactly what he means.
Have you ever told your boyfriend the things his sister says to you?

I don't get it!
You have found someone who has stood by you for the last 7 years even though you have BP and can probably be unpredictable at times. (he is a good catch)
His sister should have no input into whether you are good for him, she would not see all aspects of your relationship. It is his choice and it seems from what you have said here that he will do anything to keep this relationship together.
You said - "I can't imagine life without him" ...Then don't, you have the chance to have him away from his negative sister and have a new start.
goodluck with your choice



I think you need to stop feeling guilty and try and see that maybe someone can actually want to be with the person you are.

I'm wondering if this is low self esteem speaking, and maybe making you feel a need to sabatage something in your life that is good, secure, and solid? Do you feel that on some level you don't deserve to be happy?

Of course you deserve to be happy, and your boyfriend loves you for a reason. He sees in you a lot of good qualities, that perhaps you need to begin to see in yourself. You have had depression and anorexia and these can really play havoc with self esteem. Would you consider speaking to a therapist about this?