Does the Damage Ever Subside?

I was a member here before, quite a while ago.

I went through periods of no contact, sometimes lasting upwards of about eight months, but it never really would end. A single event finally triggered the end; let me explain.

I was at a bar with my HPD during November. I went to the washroom, came back out to the bar, and saw her and another guy kissing. I immediately left. This was a problem because she was planning on staying the night at my house as we were in my city, and her town was quite a ways away.

Later on, she shows up at my house; I tell her to get the hell away and close the door on her. She starts screaming, telling me to let her get her stuff. I oblige. Once she gets all of her stuff from my stuff, she tries to stay and talk; I tell her "no, get the hell out." She punches me in the face a bunch of times to which I simply pick her up, gently of course, and take her out of my house. She decided to stay outside of my house and make a big scene at 3AM, claiming I beat women, etc. I turn off the lights and go to bed.

About ten minutes later, I receive a knock on my door; it was a police officer. Apparently she called the cops on me and said that I beat her, which was a blatant lie. Anyways, I explain to the cop my side of the story and, as it turns out, luckily, she was the one who got arrested (for assault and also received a DUI). I had to go down to the police station and make a statement and she was given a list of conditions to sign in order to get out of custody, one of which included to not contact me.

A couple months later, her assault charge was dropped (I have no idea why, as she chipped one of my teeth and gave me a bloody nose) and she was given a peace bond, a set of conditions to which she was supposed to conform to; again, she was not supposed to contact me.

Turns out, she decided to contact me not too long after this whole mess. I phoned the police and she is now going through the whole court process again for breaching. This dates back to all the way in January.

I just needed to vent all that, as it's really continued to bother me. Although I have no intentions of contacting her and nor is she even able to contact me, I still cannot seem to shake the damage she's done. I don't know why, but today I got curious and decided to search her on Facebook (we're not friends anymore, though) and then I looked up the guy she cheated on me with to which I found out that they're together again (probably had been all along). I far passed the whole stalking stage; this was just an act of randomness, and I'm totally rattled by it. I know I shouldn't have done this, but it's too late now, and it definitely hurts to see her back with the guy she cheated on me with, the same she lied about being with, claimed he was a loser, abusive, what have you.

What are the next steps to regain my composure? Contact is forbidden and I will definitely not let curiosity get to me again. Any advice, guys?

... Can I ask a dumb question, why did you decide to just walk away when you saw her kissing another guy in the bar?

Thanks,

Labor.

- Labor.

Date someone normal.

- Labor.

lodi dodi wrote:Date someone normal.

- Labor.

well said lodi.

- Labor.

thisislabor wrote:... Can I ask a dumb question, why did you decide to just walk away when you saw her kissing another guy in the bar?

Thanks,

Labor.

- Labor.

I'm not sure what you're implying by "just" walking away. I assume that you're logical enough to understand cheating on someone right in front of their eyes is generally unacceptable; and by that, sticking around and shrugging it off as nothing defies any sense of self-respect.

In that case, I'm assuming that you mean why did I not confront her right then and there. I decided to simply walk away because I really had nothing to say to her at that point.

lodi dodi wrote:Date someone normal.

- Labor.

thisislabor wrote:

lodi dodi wrote:Date someone normal.

- Labor.

well said lodi.

- Labor.

In the future, do not post useless comment to my threads.

Date someone normal so all the dysfunctions that she is will polarize and be clear so that you get the entire perspective that aids in the recovery of your ego and sense of fairness.

- lodiLabor.

Good perspective. Thank you for that.

It sounds as if you have a lot of residual emotions left over here, which you will need to be able to process before you can move forward. The ending of a relationship is never easy, especially when it's compounded by abuse or toxicity in the relationship. Maybe seeing a therapist could help you to make some sense of the situation and find a way to move forward? It's never easy, but in time the strong emotions that you're feeling now do subside.

At the top of the Relationship Forum, which I also moderate, there is a topic I wrote on the seven stages of grief that people go through after the end of a relationship. It's important to go through these stages, and to experience all the emotions involved in order to begin to heal and move forward. I hope you will find this topic useful.

I'm going to move this thread to the Relationship Forum, which is very supportive, and where people who have been involved with a disordered person can post and receive understanding support.

I wish you well.