I sometimes think i'll never be in a relationship again

last one I had ended exactly 8 years ago. it lasted just 3 months, I had never had a proper girlfriend before this ,I was infatuated with a girl who was a friend at college but other than that ,the girl I dated 8 years ago was the only one which was significant in my pathetic life. she knew it wasn't working, I couldn't deal with the closeness of it all ,I remember seeing a photo her sister took of us together I was literally pulling away from her and trying to hide in the corner of the sofa.i've always done this with people ,even my own family. when we broke up all I wanted was to get back together with her because I knew that i'd never find anyone else, which has been true .of course she said to me that I would find someone else, I don't she ever really knew the extent of my own problems.people tend to play them down whenever I try and explain them.

being socially anxious and avoidant I never approach people I like,it was more of a chance meeting through someone else and the fact she was quite forward with me. but I think this also became a problem because of her very "full on" and direct personality was perhaps too much for someone who was as sensitive to everything as myself. it was a catch 22 situation. but I honestly think my future is bleak, i've had interactions with many girls since then who have seemed attracted to me, but I get scared of someone getting close and I back off which they take as disinterest.

plus I have a load of other issues which make me think most people wouldn't even like me if they actually knew me anyway. so the chance of me finding mrs perfect is all but impossible I reckon. anyone here got to a stage where they accepted they would be alone forever and they learned to be ok with it?

It sounds as if your self esteem is really low at the moment. Sometimes when a person's self esteem is really low, it can compound everything else, and a viscous circle can result. Working on your self esteem issues could really help. If you haven't tried therapy specifically for this, it could really benefit you. A therapist could also help you to discover just where your feelings of low self esteem originated, and enable you to work upon them.

There are many people who don't believe that they will ever find the right relationship, and then someone comes along when they are least expecting it. Working on your self esteem could help you to get to a place in your life where you are throwing out positive signals, which will attract people to you. The secret of true self esteem is not to try to be someone you are not, but to accept yourself, and learn to love yourself just as you are. If you are not naturally an extrovert person, then that is okay. You don't need to change who you fundamentally are, just the way that you think about yourself.

If it's difficult to meet people in day to day life, then internet dating could also be an option. Many people have met their life partners this way and have gone on to find happy and successful relationships.

I really don't think i've known any different. i've pretty much accepted this is the way I am ,seen therapists and they seem to think that i've had depression/esteem issues since being a small child and they seem to think I will always have this side to me. I have had days when I have felt better about myself or i've tried to do some type of exercise or self help techniques to change my mindset but its just a fleeting feeling which goes eventually,it just feels like a hopeless battle and there is no cure. I think my only chance at a relationship would have to be with someone who also has mental health issues as they would be the only person willing to stick by me throughout my lows and the behaviour and lifestyle it generates.they would also hopefully understand better where i'm coming from. but I doubt I'll ever find someone,my criteria is just too narrow and expanding it just leads to problems and hopeless situations.

I'm sorry that you feel so bad about yourself and that your self esteem is so low. It may be that the therapists you saw were not the right ones for you, but this doesn't mean that you couldn't find one who you could work with, to really get to the roots of the origins of your low self esteem. There are also dating sites on the internet specifically for people who have mental health issues,and you may find that you meet someone there.

It really is possible to work on low self esteem, and you don't have to always feel this way. There is also a lot that can be done for depression, and your doctor can help with this.

I really hope that things work out for you, because you deserve to be happy. There is always hope and you must never lose sight of that.

thanks masquerade

maybe ACCEPTING that you could change, rather than accepting the norm would do you good?

there might be someone out there like you but youde never know unless you change enough to get out there

I've come to the conclusion I'm no good at relationships and am better off alone. Friendships don't seem to work out either.

I've been married 3 times and none of them lasted more than 2 years, and while I was the one to file for divorce each time that doesn't make things any easier. I've been divorced now for 5 years and don't think I could go through it all again.

I live alone and spend the vast majority of my time alone, so much so that I've started to lose conversational skills and have at times wondered if my voice still worked.

Sandie wrote:maybe ACCEPTING that you could change, rather than accepting the norm would do you good?

there might be someone out there like you but youde never know unless you change enough to get out there

I don't think I can though.