I feel so lost & alone...

*edited upon request*

I just wanted to say that I read this and that you shouldn't feel like you can't allow yourself to cry. do it alone, or do it in front of someone and remember you don't need to say anything if you don't have anything to say. people can ask what's wrong, it doesn't mean you need to be able to give them an answer. and no, you're not a whore, or a bad person. I'm sorry to hear you can't talk to your mother anymore. is there anyone else you feel you could talk to, or just be with quietly while you allow yourself to get some of this emotion out?

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time

Your not alone. Not at all. Theirs others out here like yourself overwhelmed with life. Not unusual at all.
I stayed up last night to respond to this post. Wrote something up and fell asleep.

Willingness is the key to change. Willingness to look into recovery work. Recovery work, 12 step work. Therapy , online forums... is what you need so your not alone.

The world and its people are whacked. its easy to give up out here and never want to come back. It is possible to get ones life back. I am a work in progress and it is happening for me. Im in this wacky world in a positive real way.. It requires tremendous work. Even if that work is just showing up , and learning to pray to start with..

Keep going , your doing great...