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All,

I'm into my third month of NC.

I've been through stages of relief, regret, anger, self questioning, doubt and sadness.

Thought it was getting easier but lately it's getting difficult, again. To stop thinking about her, wondering whether she'll contact me, wondering whether she thinks about me or is even contemplating contacting me. Or if she just hates me, for something I'm not and something I didn't do.

I thought, by now I'd be feeling better than ever - but she's still there, in my mind, most of the day from the moment I wake.

I don't want her, I just want to stop feeling like I do.

Sh1t, man. Real sh1t.

Just try to be at peace with her being your mind, it will fade. The important thing is to not attribute any emotions to thinking about her: panic, frustration, etc.

Often troubles in your REAL life will instigate a longing for the fake HPD one even well into healing. For me, it was stress at school and work. Just think, if all of the other things in your life were going great, would you care about her at all?

She doesn't care about you and she never did in a meaningful way, so that should answer your questions.

CptSaveAho wrote:Just try to be at peace with her being your mind, it will fade. The important thing is to not attribute any emotions to thinking about her: panic, frustration, etc.

Often troubles in your REAL life will instigate a longing for the fake HPD one even well into healing. For me, it was stress at school and work. Just think, if all of the other things in your life were going great, would you care about her at all?

She doesn't care about you and she never did in a meaningful way, so that should answer your questions.

Yeah, wise words. I just expected to be OK by now and can't believe how long it's taking me. I just need closure to the whole thing and it isn't forthcoming. Just got to wait for time to work it's magic, I suppose.

Need to go back to basics, remembering how often I felt $#%^ during the relationship. Mmmmm.

shock wrote:
Yeah, wise words. I just expected to be OK by now and can't believe how long it's taking me. I just need closure to the whole thing and it isn't forthcoming. Just got to wait for time to work it's magic, I suppose.

Need to go back to basics, remembering how often I felt $#%^ during the relationship. Mmmmm.

That's right. It took me a long time too, probably even longer than it will ultimately take you because I didn't go no contact. It takes a long time because they do a lot of damage.

stop thinking about her, wondering whether she'll contact me, wondering whether she thinks about me or is even contemplating contacting me.

I feel like this too.

Whilst I can empathise with the issues at hand here, I feel that this thread should be on the relationship forum, as the issues are not specifically related to HPD and more relevant to relationship issues.

I felt the same way until I wrote her my goodbye letter. See my post..."Finally closure". Now I'm in CONTROL by taking the high road. I no longer obsess over her and rarely think about her. It amazing what writing that letter did. Worked for me.

masquerade wrote:Whilst I can empathise with the issues at hand here, I feel that this thread should be on the relationship forum, as the issues are not specifically related to HPD and more relevant to relationship issues.

That's BS masquerade - this is about the uniqueness of HPD relationships. You don't need to be pushing buttons just because you can. Sheesh!

santa fe wrote:

masquerade wrote:Whilst I can empathise with the issues at hand here, I feel that this thread should be on the relationship forum, as the issues are not specifically related to HPD and more relevant to relationship issues.

That's BS masquerade - this is about the uniqueness of HPD relationships. You don't need to be pushing buttons just because you can. Sheesh!

Agreed. This guy doesnt need to be hearing generic relationship advice. He needs to be among people that can EMPATHIZE with him because they have been through almost EXACTLY what he has been through and can tell him that no he's not crazy.

I did think about posting this in relationships but as above, its specific to an HPD relationship.

I've split with people in the past who I'd class as normal. But this is something new to me, the after effects of a relationship with a manipulator.

I seriously think it can damage ones mind and it needs a different kind of mentality to get over it.

However, I feel a little less stressed today. I liken it to quitting smoking, something you know that is bad for you but the draw is still there for a while afterwards. As I mentioned, with time, I hope to lose these feelings and I'm sure I will.

For me, writing a letter is a no no. It would take me back 2 months. And I dont want to start on this road again after getting so far down it.