no exclusivity, but i love yous and lets have kids etc?

Okay, so 15 years ago (I was 30, she was 20) I had a fast and furious relationship with "A", a couple of months into the relationship we moved in together, I ended up leaving her and the apt. for an ex-girlfriend all the way across the country (ive got BPD and other issues, being a jerk is one of them). When she found out I was leaving her, she carved/keyed in the hood of my car "Shes a whore" The relationship with ex "T" didnt work out either and I moved back to where "A" lives, "A" tried to renew the relationship with me, but I was so embarrassed (or something) I didnt, or couldnt do it. So, skip forward til March 2011, I get a facebook message from "A", a long one, talking about the past and talking about her current situation, she has developed very well, beautiful kid, professional career shes excited about, pretty independent etc.. We end up talking on the phone and somehow we become interested in each other again, we make plans to see each other, I go to her area and we spend 4 days together, we are intimate and we both say that it is awesome, there are are some small hints of uncomfortable, she talks about her last boyfriend and how he left her in a bar to go have a 3-way with some other girls, etc.. but they are still friends now. Anyway, at some point during those 4 days we started the "i love you's". I go back home and we text date constantly and continue to "i love you" several times a day. Well, a few months after seeing her and heavy amounts of I love yous, we started talking about kids, marriage, the whole nine yards, we start making plans for me to move to her area so that we can move forward in the relationship. Now its August, and out of the blue one weekend I get a grand total of 4 texts, a 1000% drop off, my first concern is that of are you okay? are you sick? being held hostage? but we had never defined the rules on how much was minimum texting, so I decided to talk to her on the phone and ask her. So, I guess I had made the mistake of assuming that we were exclusive, my mistake, because she was not on the same page, she said that she wanted to commit at some point, but that right now we needed to see each other again and then talk about expectations, exclusivity etc... well, I was not prepared for that conversation, or the feelings I was having, that conversation and those feelings have made me insecure and kicked in a full blown BPD episode and now I am fighting so hard not to smother her, we cancelled a date to see each other etc.. I am new to the diagnosis, and am still unsure how to tell when I am losing touch with reality, for example, I am having some thoughts maybe she has some BPD traits, but she is an lawyer, can lawyers have BPD? BPD has kept me from being able to even finish HS, let alone become a high functioning professional. The last status I got on our relationship was "I love you, the door is never all the way closed, but life wont stand still", what does that mean? hurry up and relocate to be where I can see her? I am confused and am desperate to try to know where this relationship stands.. BLARGH! helllllllp.

This girl tells me that she loves me more than anyone ever, peroid, but as of now we have no date to see each other, we still text, but dont talk, and we still do the i love you thing.. but no sexual exclusivity.. What is going on here? is that okay? someone tell me whats wrong with the picture (besides everything, lol).

Thanks!

So, let me add more of BPD related angle to this question. In March my BPD and substance abuse issues were at a minimum and at that time I was working fairly well on issues related to family, I had just relocated back to where my parents both live (they are divorced and remarried)(as I just had relocated I had not got a therapist yet, I had just searched out a primary psychiatrist, so I had little or no doctors care at this point) and had initiated some contact, being careful to watch my affect and inner turmoil, I was working really hard on accepting love, it was painful but felt like I was making some progress. This relationship started with her finding and then contacting me on facebook with a long message letting me know how she was doing (how well she was doing) and talked about our previous relationship and her related feelings, I know now that this was the trigger for the episode, it put me directly in touch with mine and hers feelings at the time, at that time I was in a full blown BPD episode, super intense uncontrollable emotions, with dips into transient paranoia. My current emotional status was replaced with the emotional status I had some 15 odd years ago, very powerful stuff, so things with her and I, even though we were both talking intellectually about how our lives had changed, we were both reliving old emotions (I think she was too, notice I made the comment that she carved/keyed "shes a whore" in my car hood just before I left her, and from reading the message she expressed that it was a very intense relationship for the 8 or so months it was active.) Anyway, from 0 to 100 miles an hour in my emotional mechanics, i opened up to parents and childhood feelings and now opened up to high intensity love relationship feelings. The effects were almost immediate and covered most of the negative aspects of my BPD. It was increased even more by the fact that she had spent the 15 years going to school, a masters in sociology and a law degree, she is now a lawyer, instantly my comparing began ( I tried school once in that time period, but as usual without success) and fired up my self image issues. Within weeks we were having a passionate text affair and in June I went and visited her for 4 days, even though there was tension (I had begun to outwardly show BPD symptoms, I was insecure and anxious, touch of depression, I was drinking alcohol) the intimacy was very compelling for both of us, very passionate. Upon return home I was feeling somewhat more secure than insecure and had realized yet that we had not set a rules or expectations for the relationship but we immediately started talking about long term stuff, kids (she has a 7 year old boy, very well adjusted kid, she is a great mom), dreams, goals etc.. in August she got a new job requiring her to work alot more hours and cause her to travel, this caused a change in the frequency of our communications and spurred my BPD into gear, we had a conversation concerning sexual exclusivity, of course I had assumed that we were, but somehow I think that she had got the message that I wanted the opposite, no exclusivity (I may have made that comment at some point, thinking it would be the norm, and BPD makes me try to act like I think normally and so sometimes I say stuff that I dont even feel or believe because I think that its the right thing to say, i hate that part for sure), but I was so hyped up in that conversation that I kinda missed what was going on, all I heard was no exclusivity and it sent me through the roof, the madness had truly started, I got defensive and hurt and attached that all to old abandonment feelings and who knows what it said, Im sure it was a I dont trust you, but dont leave me thing. She told me that that conversation gave her her first doubts on the relationship. Since then I have struggled with the way to act in the relationship, we both keep telling each other that we love each other and miss each other, but now I cant get a status out of her.. too make a complex story short, now I have no idea what to do, she is aware of my mental health issues and is supportive, but I am afraid that it has closed the door on any kind of regular relationship, but she continues to occasionally express a desire for intimacy and she is always expressing I love yous, the intensity is somewhat waning for me now, but I cant resolve all the way, im not getting enough information from her, I dont know what to do, I feel like I cant live in this emotional state of suspended animation, I am disassociating and acing-in, getting stressed, memory issues, impulseivity. What do I do? I feel like if I ask to often and to straightforward that I em either going to hear something I am afraid to hear, or that it will push her even farther away, I still am convinced that I love and care about this person and even though I know I am in an episode and need to try to focus on myself and try to be more well, I cant just terminate the relationship. So I am confused and scared everything else that comes with the territory.

Thanks for listening, any comments appreciated.