Can I PLEASE have opinions? This has been making me crazy...

I've been struggling with this for about 4 years and I was wondering if anyone could possibly have answers for me...I'd like opinions as to what an ex boyfriend of mine could have possibly been suffering from? He was very clearly mentally ill, but I never figured it out.

Let's call him "Tony". When I met Tony, he seemed somewhat normal. I dated him for about a month before meeting his grandparents whom he stayed with. That's when the first odd thing happened...I overheard his grandparents yelling to him about social security and taking his pills. When he realized I'd heard them (I didn't say anything to him, he just knew,) he told me that he was on pills for depression but he had felt fine lately, and that he got social security due to a back injury he'd sustained when he was a child. To make a long story short, as the months wore on, I found out that not only was he lying about his age, but he was on social security because he had been hospitalized in a psychiatric unit when he was only 11, NOT because of his back. To this day I don't know the whole story on that or what his pills were actually for. He had a way of manipulating me and everyone around him so even though I found out these lies I stayed with him. Throughout our relationship he lied about EVERYTHING, from large things (like working when he'd actually lost his job weeks before) to small things like what he ate for breakfast. He'd make up grandiose stories about the FBI wanting to hire him, or stopping a robbery at a gas station. He seemed in a state of perpetual frustration. He'd do very odd things, like if he saw someone he liked in a movie he'd begin dressing like them, talking like them, even mimicking their movements. If he heard a certain type of music he liked he'd only listen to that particular music for months, and dress like the people who tended to listen to that music (eg: "punk", "rockabilly", "goth", etc.) He'd hit me and spit on me, truly disrespect me. I almost fully supported him, he'd get new jobs, tell me how they were going to make him management within the first few weeks and then end up fired. He could NOT hold down a job. I finally left him for a friend of mine and when he found out I was leaving him he punched me in the head, pushed me down the stairs, and spit in my face. Thankfully, I kept my word and I've been with the friend I left him for for 4 years now and I'm happily married.

My question is this: What mental disorder could he possibly have had in your opinions? Out of sheer curiosity...I just don't know what kind of disorder could cause someone to act this way...

Heya,

I think that there are a few possibilities as to what he had. Also, it's anyone's guess as to what medication he was taking. Let's rule out some things though... it doesn't sound like bipolar disorder; It's not an eating disorder; and it seems to be something more than just depression. My guess is schizophrenia ... It usually develops in the late teens or early 20s, but I've known some who have early signs of it at around the age that he was admitted to the psychiatric hospital. He seemed to have been out of touch with society and had no idea of what morality was, but maybe that was partly the fault of his family issues (whatever they were...?).

Regarding the lying, he probably did it because he was well-aware that his life wasn't great and wanted to make himself seem more important than he actualy truly felt. I mean, he wanted to be someone that, quite simply, he wasn't.

... ... I don't know really. Just be thankful that he's not in your life anymore.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:Heya,

I think that there are a few possibilities as to what he had. Also, it's anyone's guess as to what medication he was taking. Let's rule out some things though... it doesn't sound like bipolar disorder; It's not an eating disorder; and it seems to be something more than just depression. My guess is schizophrenia ... It usually develops in the late teens or early 20s, but I've known some who have early signs of it at around the age that he was admitted to the psychiatric hospital. He seemed to have been out of touch with society and had no idea of what morality was, but maybe that was partly the fault of his family issues (whatever they were...?).

Regarding the lying, he probably did it because he was well-aware that his life wasn't great and wanted to make himself seem more important than he actualy truly felt. I mean, he wanted to be someone that, quite simply, he wasn't.

... ... I don't know really. Just be thankful that he's not in your life anymore.

Kevin

Oh, I am! Trust me, lol. Yeah, that makes sense. I've also heard perhaps "anti-social personality disorder" and "narcissistic personality disorder" as guesses, which also make sense to me. I've just never come across someone like that before or after him, and I was curious as to what could cause someone to behave in this manner... but yeah. I'm glad he's gone.

Antisocial PD did cross my mind, but I just wasnt' sure if you had ever heard of such a disorder. If hehad NPD, then I'd have imagined him to be in a better position in his life right now, as they are generally successful people.

I better get to bed,
Night night
Kevin

Chucky wrote:Antisocial PD did cross my mind, but I just wasnt' sure if you had ever heard of such a disorder. If hehad NPD, then I'd have imagined him to be in a better position in his life right now, as they are generally successful people.

I better get to bed,
Night night
Kevin

Antisocial was actually the first one I'd thought of for him, but I wasn't sure because I haven't done TOO much research on that one so I didn't know all of the details of the disorder. I thought I'd heard that they tended to be substance abusers whereas he (although smoking pot and drinking occasionally) didn't have a problem with that...though he once lied about having a heroin addiction (presumably for attention or perhaps for people to commend him on overcoming addiction, I figure?) and then pretended he'd never said it when it became apparent it was a lie...though I suppose symptoms are different for everyone. Yeah, I don't know too much about NPD other than that they exaggerate achievements, view themselves as more worthy than others, and don't take kindly to criticism, which all fits his personality; but if they tend to be successful people, well...that's DEFINITELY NOT him.

I ruled out NPD because, from the way that you had portrayed him in your opening post, I looked upon him as someone weak, shy, and lacking social skills. Is he like that or is my assumption wrong??

Chucky wrote:I ruled out NPD because, from the way that you had portrayed him in your opening post, I looked upon him as someone weak, shy, and lacking social skills. Is he like that or is my assumption wrong??

No, he has poor social skills (I guess you'd say) but he is very outgoing. He loved to tell outlandish stories to anyone who would listen. He liked to be the center of attention, in fact, this was where his social skills were what I'd consider poor. He straight up ANNOYED people by blabbing on and on about himself and his many adventures. He tried to portray himself as weak when trying to gain sympathy, but I don't think he was...if anything I was the weak one because I remained his punching bag/chauffeur/sugar mama for so long. (I'm too poor to be a sugar mama, lol, but I did fully support him for months on end while he was "between jobs".) Sorry if I portrayed him differently than he was. He was a very complex character...I guess he's just very hard to put into words.

...can I suggest, therefore, that he has Schizoid Personality Disorder or High-Functioning Autism (AKA Asperger's Syndrome)????

He could have anything from schizophrenia, ADHD, borderline disorder, histrionic disorder, antisocial disorder, or a combination of some or even all of these things. It doesn't really matter what disorder he had. You have moved on, but it seems that you are still affected by some of the issues, especially the physical abuse of you. By trying to put a label on it, you might be trying to process it and make some sense of it all. Have you had therapy for this? It might help.