So confused

Im feeling so confused.

My relationship went from fine to f#%ed up in a sentence. We have talked about marriage and kids. He has told me I am the love of his life. And then in one fail swoop it all came crashing down.

My BF and I were arguing when he shouted out "get out! I want you out of my life! I have had enough of you!"

Back tracking a little...I have a childhood filled with incest and emotional abuse and it causes a lot of problems for me in my day to day life. It makes me very moody and I can be hard to live with at times. I understand that my past issues create many challenges for us. He has always said that he will stand by me and is always there for me.

Yesterdays argument was about the way he and one of his female friends talk to each other..using terms of endearment and in the past he told me that he was going to marry her so that she could move to our country for health care - that it was ONLY for health care and for no other reason. She has sent him naked pictures of herself - which he told me is because she is very sick and she wanted reassurance that she wasnt so emaciated and ugly looking. All these things added up make me very uncomfortable. I told him this before...and he told me there is nothing to worry about this is strictly friendship and he does not think of her romantically or sexually in any way. BTW, he has a picture of her ass from a modelling campaign she did...YA WHATEVER.

So when I told him it needs to stop with the flirty talk b/c i think it is inappropriate and its really bothering me...he got very upset and shouted that stuff.

So I started packing. He told me to stop and that he didnt mean it and that he was angry and that he really thinks it came out b/c he was shouting it to the people that hurt me that cause so many problems in our relationship.

Im so confused. Im afraid now. Afraid to piss him off b/c he will want me to leave. Afraid that he is just saying he didnt mean it but he really did. He says he loves me and wants me to stay.

Im so confused.

Hi,

You should never be afraid to voice your opinion about something. A relationship cannot be successful if one party is afraid to voice their opinion in case the other leaves.

A problem - as far as I see it - is that you and he never truly discussed this particular issue regarding the other lady. His 'outburst' was exactly that - i.e. an outburst. It seemed like he was releasing a lot of anger all in one, when it should have been released gradually over time. If you had both discussed the issue when it began, then maybe the outbusrt would not have happened. I am not criticising you at all, but am merely trying to get you to look upon this from a different angle. If you do manage to see it this way, then you might realise that he probably didn't mean what he said.

Anyway, arrange to sit down and talk about this as adults. That is the best way to sort this out. Tell him that you are upset that the flirting continues as it makes you feel devalued and not 'special'. For all we know, he sees flirting as acceptable behaviuor, so you must inform him that it is the opposite.

Ultimately, my dear, don't stay with someone for the sake of having a relationship/partner. You can have that with absolutely anyone ... your life partner must be special.

Take care
Kevin