Sexless/affectionless relationship

Very complex situation narrowed down to one post.

Relationship is a heterosexual relationship and has been going on 5+ years. In the past 3 years, there has been a complete lack of physical affection and sex, particularly from me to him. As much as I want to care for him in that regard, it becomes nearly impossible to kiss him, or want him sexually.

We tried an open relationship for a short while (a month, perhaps). I slept with another man and overall had an okay time.

Currently, there is one man who I have been fooling around with and do find attractive in that regard, but really no interest in starting a relationship there.

However, I have also been seeking women. My first relationship and sexual experience was with a woman and now I find myself desiring to date women. I find them sexually appealing as well as see potential for future with them.

This is, like I said, quite complex. I know I should probably leave the current relationship, but for some reason I want it to work. I really thought I would marry him, for some strange reason, but it has been years since I have shown him any extremely intimate physical affection. For that matter, even moderately intimate.

Ugh, would just like this to be sorted out and some sort of direction to be given.

Welcome misskate,

Why has it become nearly impossible to kiss your partner or to want him sexually? What is going on for you that has made it so difficult? Did something in particular trigger this feeling/situation?

It sounds like you are confused about what you want and need to do some soul-searching.
Maybe you are afraid to give-up your past relationship or admit that it's not working. But if your heart is no longer in it, there's not much point clinging to it, is there?

I cannot pinpont one event that resulted in this. I did have a pregnancy scare that warded me off sex for a short while- but then it extended to just no sex with him. I have had sex with 2 other men during our relationship and one woman. Now I am really interested in a relationship with a woman.

But absolutely you're right. I don't want it to fail or perhaps admit to what is true about my self. I wish I could just change that and be with him for some reason.

I wish I could help, but I *can* relate. I am a Male in a relationship with a female, and there is just no 'spark' as I call it. She likes kissing and hanging off of me all the time (too much even for my liking) but it just isn't really arousing me anymore. Usually I like hooking up and fooling around, but with her it's almost like a chore instead of a fun or intimate experience. I think it's just because we fight so friggin' much lately... Maybe something like that is the issue with you guys?

I guess there are just compatibility issues... if there is no spark, and you cannot 'make' a spark, then I guess it would be pointless in the long run to attempt anything.

Its just him, so i have no idea honestly. Youve slept with others fine. those 2 guys and girl, were they before or after you stopped sleeping with your BF?

possibly might be burrying the issue of sexual preference. Maybe your more emotionally attached to women than men and have been burrying out of fear or whatever reason?

possibly strains in the relationship making you not in the mood?

maybe the relationship is just dead?