Please, please help.

I need help.
It's probably all been said before, people break up everyday and their world end, they think they can't go through it, they're in pain.
My world just ended. I saw myself having kids with him, we were together for 5 year and engaged, I have loved him for years before we even started dating.
He was my lover, my best friend, my evrything. Now I am sad and so lonely. I feel like I am going nuts because the pain is terrible. I don't have many people around me, no real friends to talk to, I keep a lot to myself.
I know I should keep myself busy so that I don't just stay there and cry, but I feel like I don't have the strenght to do anything. To make things worse, I only work 3 hours a day, wich makes a lot of empy time to fill. I live in a new neighborhood, I don't know anybody and there doesn't seem to be much to do here.
I did the clean break where we don't talk to each other anymore, but I still end up checking my emails fifty thousand times a day, staring at my cell phone all day and tearing up everytime a car slows down near my house or when neighbours come in and out, wishing it was him.
I used to share my life, my every though with him and now it's just me. Half me.
I don't see the point in living anymore, life alone is tasteless and painful. I won't commit suicide, don't worry, I know I could not. But I wish I did, so that I could stop this pain.
I need someone to tell me exactly what to do to get through this. I will do it, I promise.
But please, help me.
Because my world just ended and I don't know what to do and I am weak and I am tired and times goes so slow.
Please, I never beg, but this time I do. Help me make this pain go.

Hi there. welcome to the forum.
What you wrote reminded me of this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKqZjgIf ... re=related
There is HOPE, hang in there Ok?
I'm here to talk too if you like.
With care,
One

A friend once told me that the pain you're describing is the main reason I don't pursue relationships. That I'm scared of the pain I'd go through if the relationship ended. I've seen both my friends go through some very hard times when relationships ended, and it wasn't pretty.

Yet they, and most people continue to pursue relationships. They feel the joy of having someone to love is worth the risk of pain.

I don't know what advice I can really give other than to not give up and not lose hope. Many people here have been through some very difficult times, are compassionate, understanding, and willing to listen.

Its very hard going through what you are going through. I say this not to discourage, but to let you know you're not alone and that I know you'll find the strength to get through it.

The best thing now for you is to not be alone too often. Try to be around friends, good aquaintants, and family. Get out and do those things you love and even try something new. That's how I got through.

It's a horrible place to be, but the best thing is to just let it out....cry, cry and keep crying until you have no more tears left.

It will subside eventually, but you just need to give it time.

I don't know that keeping busy is always the answer, I know for me, I need to just curl up and let it out. I hate being around people if I'm this hurt. I remember about 1.5 years ago, I felt the same way, and it was so bad that my eyes filled up whilst I was teaching. I'm a teacher. It was absolutely awful. Some of my students actually looked worried. I even had another teacher ask me if I was o.k. I almost couldn't keep the tears back, so I'm not sure that keeping busy is the right thing. Crying is definitely good. NEVER pretend that it doesn't exist, feel the pain and let it out. The more often you let it out, the quicker the healing.

Good luck.

- the only thing that works, is to find another shiny object.... and even then your just going to go emotionally rebounding on them and onto another.

I am so sorry your hurting so badly right now, I can empathize sweety. just let it out.

- Labor.

Thank you so much for all your replies. Even though I am new here and don't know personnally any of you, it really warms my heart and makes me feel less lonely to read your advice and kind words.
I have read on grieving as well as other threads on this forum and it helps me, along with your replies, to understand more what I am and will be going through and also what I should do to "heal" better.
I understant both the feelings of wanting and not wanting to be alone, as I alternate between these two states regularly. I find that I don't do well alone. I cry and cry and cry and I am unstopable. I feel vulnerable and unable to go through the pain. I find myself wanting to call my ex a million time to try and make things better even though it's a loss cause. It is very nerve racking to rationalize the situation all the time in order to refrain myself from doing so.
At the same time, when I am surrounded by people, I can think about other things (even though I always feel it, that pinch in my heart. I always think about him not matter how busy I am), I even laugh and I feel stronger than when I am alone. But after a while I still need to be by myself and not have to put on a mask. I could not wait to get back home today to break up in tears.
I will try volunteering, as I heard it would be a good way to feel good about myself at the end of the day.
I have also reached out to my sister, my cousin and one of my friends whom I had never even called before. I am really forcing myself out of my comfort zone because, well, right now, my comfort zone is the last place where I want to be.
I am still not ready to try new activities or meet new people, but once I gain a bit more courage and strenght it will be on my to do list.
I gathered all of his belonging that were still at my place. I don't know how I should proceed to give them back to him since I'd rather not be in contact with him. I think I might call his mom and tell her when he could come pick them up (when I am not there). He still has the keys, so he could pick up his stuff and leave the keys before leaving.
Well, I will go try and get some sleep.
Again, thank you ofr the tips and for caring.